My No dry-eye Christmas Story!!!!

The day before I decorated my cart, I had the pleasure of meeting a patient in ICU. He was more alert than most in ICU..he was reading the paper. He and I had a great chat...about his family, and mine, how I came to this job...so NEAT, I honestly can't say why there was such a connection, but there was. I was at the end of a very long shift..the 23rd of December. I had offered to work part of a shift for a co-worker, that meant I would be at work on Christmas Eve for 15 hours, and do a turn around and work another 8 hours the next day.  It also meant that I was 8 days straight with no day off. 

Anyway, this man...this very kind man..in ICU was so pleasant, (most people HATE to see me. eh I get why....non the less I do it with a smile, and a joke in my back pocket), but he was too cool. I noticed he had a really neat little tree. So cool, it was teetering on a folding chair...but lit and all. I commented on how cool that was. He told me his grand kids had brought it for him. That was the night of the 23rd of December.

Now, I had offered to work the early shift for a fellow co-worker that had some family stuff going on.  Somehow, from some place, after I had scraped the sleep out of my eyes on the way to work and, had a cup of coffee in me. I passed a Walgreen's on the way to work, I had a thought.... The first thought was that, Wholly crap there is a ton of Walgreen's on the way to work. (Funny to only a few, but really funny to some). OK, so now I am committed, I know they sell battery operated lights, and cards, thank GOD my hubby got the silly hat earlier.

I grab the lights, cards, AND batteries...I am dressed in my holiday scrub garb...with this stupid smile on my face. The cashier asked, "Going to work, or home'? I for some reason proudly said, "TO WORK!, I got these lights to decorate my cart" Probably TMI for her pleasant chat"

Anyhow I taped the 3 battery operated lights to my cart, with the silly hat, and went on my merry way drawing blood. I had many encounters that made people smile, especially, when I dropped a "Grinch", or "Peanuts" card off after I poked them with a needle.

One of the stories is the one I told previously.  Which, was so cool.

http://trying2getit.blogspot.com/2010/12/no-idea-that-i-could-make-such.html

So, later that day after about hour 10, I had been in the ER most of the day. I made it a point to stop back at the gentleman's room in ICU, that initially inspired me. His family was there. I said, " I don't want to interrupt, but you inspired me...see my cart, I have a card for you". He gave me a hug, and introduced me to his family.  It was so cool.

What was even cooler on Christmas day, the next day I worked,  I was feeling the death  tired the overtired , where, you are not sure where to laugh or cry. On top of that I  had a bit of a bug. At times I was not sure I would make it the whole shift.

At one point, I had just drawn a patient on the 3rd floor,  and as I was zooming around the corner past the 3rd floor waiting room, I  was wondering how much longer I could make it. On the way to pneumatic tube to  send down the "stat" blood I had just drawn....I saw, my buddy, my inspiration, AND his family. You see this is good news, because ICU is on the 2nd floor.They  were hanging out in the 3rd floor waiting room.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I, came up with a good quip,"I see you are looking for a change of scenery"? I re-acquainted my self with the family, and said, "Hi, and Merry Christmas"! The family was so cute, so funny. They told me to let my husband how lucky he was, I assured them he knew, I also let them know I was equally lucky. They told me how much joy I brought into a bad situation, they told me about how my  "magic funny cart"was the talk of the ICU.  I still felt pretty sick. It just made my day. I was close to the end of my shift on Christmas Day, I made an extra lap  around the ICU, and dropped of cards to those I could.

Those are the important things in life, those are the "REAL" gifts. I am not gonna lie, I was dead tired, and pretty sick myself, I went home, and slept for 15 hours. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.


We are celebrating our Christmas with our family on New Year's Day. I do work New Year's Eve..I am done at Midnight. You can bet I will have one ROCKIN' blood cart. So Rockin' you will have to stay tuned to find out what party you may have missed.

No Idea That I Could Make Such a Difference

OK, So if you have been following....I have been working a ton. If you are not following...go back, and catch up.

Anyway, I had decorated my blood draw cart with battery operated xmas lights, and a funky hat. I also have left xmas cards for the people I had to stick in the arm with a needle.

There was this woman...I drew her blood in the ER...Yesterday, my first cart decoration day...I happened to draw her again, but she was now in ICU. Her husband was there, he saw me pull up. With the Christmas light cart. She was in an isolation room. We are never told why the patients are in isolation. It could be that they could give something to me, OR that I could give something to them. BUT ya kinda really know what the case is. 

Since I had drawn her in the ER two days prior, I knew she was not a harm to me. Even so, I have to leave my cart outside the room...totally "suit" up with gown, mask, gloves...even before I enter the room .

Her hubby said, "YOU GOTTA SEE THIS" (my cart). I explained I could not bring it in. I did however, give here one of my "Peanuts" Christmas cards. She laughed. Just at the time I was leaving her room, she had another procedure being done. Her hubby was on the way to the waiting room.  I PROMISED him that I would sneak in later so she could see my cart.

Some 4 hours later, I did just that. Blinking lights, silly hat,  and all. We chatted for a while.

Today, I ran into the husband in the hallway. He told me how much I had brightened his wife's day. He asked, "Could I give you a hug". I said, "Of course!"

Am I boasting?, maybe?...probably. I maybe selfish myself in how it make me feel good to help another...even if it is only to smile when they are sick.

So anonymous. I can't see where sharing stories of happiness is a bad thing.

Oh anonymous, I talk with, and help my "alkies" every day. Just as they help me.

Another good light cart story to follow, just not tonight...I am a bit too tired.

Thank you all,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

My First "Kinda" Hate mail.

See the comment that follows...

http://trying2getit.blogspot.com

 Although, I am a bit tired, because I worked part of a shift for a fellow co-worker that had a family emergency, as well as my normal shift...and I am working for another tomorrow. Eh, It's  ok, we will celebrate our Christmas on New Years Day  That was our plan all along. Even being more than a bit tired, I felt compelled to respond to the above comment.

I do not feel that sharing with others your good deeds is boastful. I DO believe that "paying it forward", is contagious. I do believe that we hear about death, crime, and awful things much more than we hear about good. We need to talk about good things, share neat stories, and BOAST about good things we have done.

I agree...You can do something kind, and say nothing. GREAT! The unfortunate thing is, that many don't do that.

So Anonymous, I am so sorry...I totally disagree. Being Boastful, about good...is simply being boastful about good.

Anonymous,  I have a few questions for you. Was Christ boastful when he shared stories of good will? Was it boastful to "Go Tell it on the Mountains"? Is it boastful to celebrate my savior's birth?

I agree humility is very important. Not in this case. Not if one story, one blog, will help someone to help another.

I have to totally disagree.

Why? you ask...the notes I have read(I wish I had more, and I am always striving for that).

Why is it important to be kind, and tell stories...hummm, well try the next few stories on for size.

They will follow shortly.

Common' People! REALLY!!!?

I know that there is good, and kindness out there. I know that some one has something to say. I know I said I would not post any new stuff until after Christmas.

I need good tidings, good will to men, and women..if we are PC. 

I am so very frustrated! WTF...Ya, ya heard me.

Do something....Be something. So something for another!!!

Look, it is not about a gift of money, it is not anything more than time, or a phrase, or holding a hand.

I decorated my "vampire" cart today. I had asked my husband to find me a great hat, a silly hat. He did. It was a wire spiral Christmas tree...Motion activated. So cool! Sadly, I have a really small head. When I had to deal with glasses , I had to choose from the kid's section.

Anyhow, on the way to workI had a thought. I KNEW that Walgreens had battery LED  lights. AND CARDS! I happened to choose both the "Peanuts", and the "Grinch" cards.

I got to work, my cart adorned with my battery lights. My hat still did not fit, and if I tried to draw blood would end up in the lap of the patient.  So the hat, the blinking tree hat, was the centerpiece of my mobile blood sucking cart.

Well then, depending  on the patient, I choose the  proper card.

I said I would not post, and I have many more stories to tell.

I make the rules....I need to hear more stories,,,,for me to tell the "GOOD STUFF."

Frustrated with Humankind!

I am not quite sure if I am feeling just... in feeling frustrated with humankind....maybe I am just waiting for humankind to be kind.

I am so frustrated with the lack of response to my last post. I had a few comments, and don't get me wrong...they were great! I had just had hoped for many more. Maybe, random acts of kindness are happening right now...I hope so. I would love to hear about them...as I am sure would many others.

In many ways, I feel they rarely happen these days. We get so wrapped up in our own stuff, we fail to realize what others need. Need what?...I don't know. Need something. What can we give?...I don't know. We can give something.

Like I said, I have the ability to know how many people read my blog a day...it is many. Sadly, my numbers declined as soon as I stopped talking about jail. Sadly, they declined...when I started to talk about being kind.

Don't get me wrong...I still have thousands of readers..just not as many when I talk about "good will". I think that is sad.

If you were interested enough to hang with me through the worst, and comment, and pray...Why not now? Why is being interested in the very bad so much more interesting than the very good?

Look, in doing this whole blog thing...as I said in the past...It was initially for myself. In the process I ended up helping other's. In some VERY difficult, dark places of their lives. In addition, I helped myself.

As I have also said in the past, I only speak what is in my head at the time...I try to do it as truthfully as possible.

I will try and always do the next right thing...I also know at times I will fail. I am only human. Helping others IS the RIGHT thing.

That being said, I will only post this message, and re-post the last one until Christmas. I would love others to share their stories.  I would hope that others would share in my joy, as well as my sadness.The truth is I don't have time to be sitting around here typing...There are only a couple of weeks before Christmas.

I think that is all I have to say about that...well unless I start getting some great positive response

Random Acts of Kindness..Pass it on!!!!

Ok so far too much about jail. Far too much about gloom, and doom.

Let's move on. On to something much more important. KINDNESS. Tis the season.

Listen, I KNOW for a fact I have followers, in MANY countries. I can read the stats on my blog. I KNOW for a fact that in the last month I have had 2000+ ppl who read my blog.

I challenge each one of you to provide a random act of kindness, AND share it with a comment.

Let me lead with some examples. Last year around this time..there was a woman, I saw, almost every day. She worked at the store where I bought smokes, on the way to an AA meeting. I know her name, but will not use it. She was in tears this day. It is weird how sometimes, we really don't know someone very well, but are very touched. She told me she was having MAJOR financial issues, that she could not buy Xmas gifts for her grand kids. During the conversation, I got the gender, and age of the kids. I was in a bit of a bad place knowing I would be going to jail soon. I did not have a bunch of cash to share. I was moved. I had a a rebate gift card from Walgreen's, and $20.00 in my pocket.

Although, my children were teens, I tried so hard to figure out what a 5,7,and 9 year old would like.

It was so amazing! I went right  back to the store after Walgreen's. I brought 3 gifts. It was so odd, so cool. The things I chose, were "perfect" for every child. I was for sure guided by something greater than me, by God.

The grandma, that worked at the store cried, she called me an "angel". I was not an angel,  I just did the right thing.

That was last Christmas. During this past summer, I happened to be shopping at Aldi. Clearly, the woman in front of me was having a child's b-day party. Clearly, she was short on cash. She was going to purchase a kids pool, Ya know the cool inflatable kind with a slide. She did not have enough money. I told the cashier to add it to my bill, she cried.

The point is not to make people cry. The point is if you CAN help, then please do.

It does not mean money. Maybe a gift of time. Maybe babysit for a young mom in you neighborhood. Maybe spend an hour visiting with the elderly. Shovel a sidewalk.

Just GIVE. Give what you can, money, time, concern.

Just so ya know, I am sure that I did not give to help another...not necessarily..I have to admit, it made me feel GREAT.  Maybe random acts of kindness, are not for others, maybe they are for ourselves.

No matter the reason, I think we all win.

If you have not shared this blog with other's please do so now.

By this time you should have someone in mind who you will help...please pass it on!!!!

Some things you may not know about jail.

I thought I was done talking about jail. I was sure I was. I happened to watch an episode of "Cell Block 6". A very good friend of mine had mentioned it to me in the past. She asked if what was shown was true.

Ok so Jail, the untold story.

Inmates are VERY industrious.

Why?, you ask? Let me explain. In my time, "on the inside", I learned how to make two "jail tampons" from one maxi pad.  OK, I must explain.  So for example, in Racine, and Kenosha County, pads were given...no tampons. They were not the "Always light, with wings", they were the big gross pillow pads. I was schooled on how to make two tampons out of one pad. It is a bit too hard to explain writing...but so ingenious. Actually, impressive.

If you watch "Cell block 6", yes the inmates actually use colored pencils for make-up. Just so ya know the bricks, and tile, make an excellent pencil sharpening station.

The inmates, create food from the vending machines. One thing is called an inmate taco/burrito. I must say I did never sample it. Apparently, it is a number of chips from the vending machine, some beef jerky, and what ever else that could be found. Most jails do not have microwaves, so they would put this mix on a heater. Like I said, I never tried it.

When I was in Racine County Jail...the one with the sink, toilet combo...yeah that one. There was a bend in the pipe just before the toilet. The bend perfectly fit a bottle of soda. The pipe was cold...and kept the soda cold.

Every jail I was in, we ALWAYS had chores. Yes, ppl were bought off to do chores. There were trades, like money, or commissary, for doing an other's chores. I NEVER did that.  I would rather clean the bathroom.

Yes, in every experience there were lesbian issues. Again, never an issue for me. Just so ya know...it was never forced, never a problem. Those that did, did. It was never a forced thing.

I think that is all of the jail secrets I can think of at the moment..I am sure there are more.

If you have any questions please contact me. I am always willing to talk.

At this time, I will put this subject to rest.

Jail, Jail, Jail #7d House Arrest?!

So, it had been several months. Even though, I had to work thought the bracelet battery failure....several times.  I was rockin' school.

BUT, I had one more very embarrassing hurdle to overcome. I LOVE to garden. I work seasonally for  a local green house. The owners, my employers, were, are, very conservative. They called me to set up a schedule.

Oh the pain. I had to admit to them, that I was...well..in jail. They were very cool. The reason why I had to tell them..was to be able to go to work..my employer had to submit a schedule to the jail. There was no way out. Nothing but honesty.

So scary. It had to be done if I wanted to work greenhouse season...which I LOVE. I had that very difficult conversation..oh it was horrible for me. I feel so blessed that they were so cool about it.

The season starts in May. It was a REALLY hot may. I still had my bracelet on. I was wearing jeans all the time to hide the bracelet. Oh man, the hottest May EVER. So hot my ass was sweating...I think at one time we have all been there.

On an aside..yes an aside once again. I had been at home, and baking while at home. I was at home eating my baking. I gained 20 pounds. Let us just say my jeans were a bit tight.

That being said...Thank God, that I only lived a few miles away, and DH could bring me more pants. I split the ass in two pair of jeans...on separate occasions.

It was hot as hell in May. Yet, I could not wear shorts. I could not let my bracelet show.

One day, oh one very special day. A detective came to my work. Well, they check up on us  criminals..to make sure we are "actually" at work. Luckily, the detective found me there. It  was all of about a week before I would be free. Good thing I told my boss the truth...they were both there that day.

The detective asked for me. I walked out of one of the greenhouses. She asked me if it were me. I responded, "YES, how can I help you?" REALLY?, I saw the cruiser, I knew who it was.

Funny thing was, after I showed her my bracelet was fine, and obviously I was on the job...I tried to sell her plants. My boss laughed.

I responded.,"It is what it is..but let's not loose a sale"!

I think that is all I have to say about jail. I will never say never again.

For now, I am done!!!!

Jail, Jail, Jail #7c House Arrest

Ok, so we talked about the late night phone calls. What we did not talk about was equipment failing. AND it did...A lot. There were many nights, when I got calls from the jail, saying that I was not at home. "Duh, they called me at home and I answered" Clearly a flaw. Apparently,  the jail is SUPPOSED to send back the ankle braclets after every use...APPARENTLY they do not. So when the battery stops working, ya go "off line".

The first time this happened, I was told that  I had to have my happy ass there ASAP. That required me waking up my husband, and carting the modem to the jail.  Oh, it was the battery. Nevermind, I had a major test in the am. Both DH, and I were up until 2am.

The battery thing happend 2 more times.

I was so pissed, so annoyed. At one point, I could not go to class, I was grounded. Grounded, means, I can't leave my  home.

I was so very annoyed, I JUST  wanted to be left alone....I wanted to finish school.

Funny, so the schedule was the same. I would ride in with my  DH on MWF, same as jail. When I had class on Sat...same.

My grades were stelller...They always were.

I took my last finals, my last class. I finally, graduated in something.

No one was there...not even me. I was still under house arrest. I could not go to my own graduation.

Even so, I was so happy! so thrilled, so honered to have a skill. A "normal" skill.

Wait there is more....

Jail, Jail, Jail #7b House Arrest?!

Ok so, I had figured out the logistics of the house arrest. We needed a "hard line" phone line..some how the "Matrix" came to mind, although not nearly as exciting. In fact, really annoying. we called the local phone company to add the line..I needed proof of the line before I could get turned loose. The jail also had to have access to my phone records at anytime. It seemed a bit invasive, but home or not, I was still in custody, and so had no rights. Although, I only needed the line for a few months, they only give 1 year subscriptions...we are still paying for the line EVERY month. Finally, to be done in February.

The phone line was set up in our office(on the main level). My husband the "saver", managed to dig up an old banana phone to plug into the hard line. Oh, another stipulation was that the phone could not be wireless. I guess it was good he was a "saver".

Ok, so I could report we had the line, the jail verified it. I was due to go home somewhere around February 12th-14th...it's jail, there are no definites in jail. I had heard from others that once you get your drug screen, you get sent home in a day or two. Which is odd, because they ALWAYS do random urine, breath tests on those that go to the "outside". Whatever, I was still not confident that it would ever happen. I chose to have the take on it,"If it happens GREAT, if not I will be ok, and out for my DD graduation.

One night when I was actually able to fall asleep with the lights on, with the woman that was in the bunk next to me that constantly had horrible night terrors (her story was really horrible, I understood the terrors), the guards walking through with the jingling keys, and the bathroom toilet(right next to our room flushing, it seemed every 5 mins.)..ALL NIGHT LONG. That night, along about 3:00am, I was woken up by a guard, she was annoyed, she told me they had been calling  me over the PA. REALLY?!, they do that all night long..ya tune it out. If it had do do with me, they would come find me...guess what?, they did.

I was escorted down to the guard booth. It was myself, and another woman who also was to go on house arrest around the same time. She was already sitting on the bench. She was drinking water, she had just peed a bit before they had called her down. With sleep in my eyes, and the weird excitement of a drug test, I chatted with her, as she  slammed her water. She still couldn't pee. The guard said that I was up. As I got off the bench with my fellow inmate, I said,"Damn, I really wish I hadn't done those "ludes", yesterday". She laughed, the guard did not. I was totally busting up..(on the inside), really?, ludes? Did the guard think I was from 1970? The drug test was fine..Duh. After, my comment the guard seemed surprised..again I mentioned they are not the sharpest crayon in the box.

I think that was February 7th or so. I was able to go home on February 9th (I think) around there....it was shortly after my b-day. I thought, "How strange,  it was my longest sentence, but my shortest time behind bars". Hummm?

So the gear they sent me home with was a very stylish ankle bracelet, a modem, another unit that included a camera, and a breathalyzer.

Ok so the phone line went first into the camera box, then the bracelet modem. So to explain further. I was monitored in two ways. The bracelet monitored where I was. Was I at school when I should be was I at home when I should be. It is not like TV, it makes no noise, if you go "out of bounds". If I am not where I am supposed to be it would alarm at the jail.

I was also monitored through the camera/breath box. Basically, a company...I think in California, that is a monitoring center. At the times, I was supposed to be at home, they would call me randomly. ANY TIME DAY and NIGHT...sadly usually in the middle of the night. When they called, I had to answer the phone in so many rings, turn on my camera, zero out the breathalyzer, blow in to the thing while I was on camera, and set the machine back in the cradle so they could read it.

What I learned was that it seemed that I had to be called 2-3 times a day. It also appeared that first, and second shift at the monitoring center were very lazy. So I would get called at midnight, 2:00am, and 4:00am. So annoying, but better than jail. At least when I was woken up, I could go back to my own bed. Sadly, because the "bat phone" was a floor away, and I am a heavy sleeper, my DH was also woken up, who in turn woke me up. I  would go tearing down the stairs, bed head, and sheet marks on my face, to grab the phone in the allotted number of rings. I must say, DH was not a happy camper.

Sometimes, the "bat phone", would go off during dinner. DD had a relatively, new BF at the time. I would have to excuse myself for a moment.

Often, the video would not come through, so I would have to be called back. Which in the middle of the night is so annoying. It's 2:00am, I tear down the stairs to grab the "bat phone",  I talk to the person at the center who called...the camera did not connect. Now I am at their mercy. I slept at my desk a bunch. Sometimes I would go back to bed. It seemed just as I was falling asleep again they would call. I would tear down the stairs again. Needless to say, not a whole lot of sleep for a few months.

I found it a personal victory, when I was up late studying for a test, and they would call. I was like,"HAHA, I was up, do your thing". I am quite sure they didn't care. Like I said, a personal victory.

The weirdest thing was I got to know the people that called me. I was not angry with them, just the stupid system. Hey, they were doing their job. I got to know their voices, their names. We would chat once in a while...weird huh?

I remember the last time I was called.  It was 10:00pm before the day I was released. It was a guy that had called me almost hundreds of times. I told him I was done. It was odd, we had this retarded relationship. Never saw each other..well he saw me. Mostly business, except for the occasion I was awake and studying. He would comment that I answered quickly. HE always said good luck on the test. That night he just said,"Good Luck". The jail REQUESTED I go at 2:00am (that's when they have time) They needed my equipment to give to another. Honestly, I would have rather slept, and turned my stuff in in the AM. Still not my choice.

I still have more to say...not done with this yet. I am done for today.

Hang with me.

Jail, Jail, Jail #7..House Arrest?!

Ok, so one time at band camp..oh no wait. So in a land, far, far, away, oh no wait, that is not it either. It felt like that though. One day in jail, a guard came up to me and asked, if I wanted to be under "house arrest". I was confused, I didn't even know that was an option.

So, under Huber rules..If you work you have to pay to leave Huber to go to work $140.00/wk. If you don't have a job. Like, if you had child care prividlages  OR were enroled  to go school, you do not have to pay. So, I fell under the , non-paying student rule. Of course, the county wants to make as much money as possible, AND create more room for "paying customers". So sometime at the very beginning of February, I was informed, I could finish the rest of my sentence under house arrest. REALLY!? Are you serious? Am I on "Candid Camera"?

There I was, I had not even served 30 days of my 175 day sentence in jail, and they were offering for me to go home, and serve the rest? I couldn't believe it. I did some checking. Thank God my lawyer, made sure I had the judge I had. I didn't even know that it was an option. I guess depending on the judge..the judge can say, "NO ALTERNATIVE  TO JAIL". My judge, the drunk in recovery..did not have that stipulation. I didn't know that. Maybe it was better for me at the time to think that I would be in jail until the end of May. Maybe it was better for me to focus on the good of being in school with an overload.  Maybe it was just good for me to be with just me.

Even when they called me down for the initial consultation, I did not believe. I had dealt with guards, and oh so much BS before.  I told my DH it could possibly happen. I really did not believe it. I so wanted it. I needed to be there for my kids. I so hoped. I later found out that to get to be under house arrest it costs $150.00/week. Not to mention the hard telephone line to be installed. When I found out, I almost stayed in. It was a financial burden at the time...and it was my fault.

DH, and I worked it out. Not easy. There is so much more to say.

I will talk more tomorrow.

I think that is enough for today.

Jail, Jail, Jail #6b

Ok, so where were we?...Right getting to school from jail. Well, FINALLY my transportation, and class, and homework schedule was approved.

I figured out the whole bus thing. There was a bus stop just down the block from jail. I then transferred to a freeway flyer that dropped me off about 6 blocks from school. Not bad.

I had a locker at school. I kept things like my Bath, and Body Works products, toothbrush, and good deodorant, make-up, shoes etc. It worked out well because if I needed something I could let DH know, and he would drop it in my locker when it was convenient for him.

It was funny, because a lot of the same people seemed to used the same bathroom at the same time every day. So  I would get to my locker at school, and grab up my supplies. I then proceeded to the bathroom down the hall, immediately remove most of my clothes, so I may slather, my very tired, dry jail skin, with the amazing flavor of "Sensual Amber" Bath, n Body Works lotion. Ya know that small crack between the stalls where you can catch a glimpse of some one's eye when ya didn't mean too. I had a lot of strange looks. Some thought I simply crazy, a few might have thought I was homeless. Either way, I really didn't care. I needed my good product fix. After the lotioning was done, I would dampen my hair, and  blow it dry with the hand dryer. I put in some hair product, and then proceeded to brush my teeth in the public bathroom. Finally, I followed with some make up. So many strange looks I received in the public bathroom. Ya might even say I was a "regular", or at the very least a "regular 8:30am attraction in the 2nd floor bathroom.

So it's the first day of the semester. I got to school with time to spare. I then went to check my school e-mail. I had gotten an e-mail about 10 days prior(which I had not read because I had no computer access), that said, "I had been dropped for non-payment". WTF! Panic immediately overcame me. I went to registration, to figure out what was going on, I KNEW I paid. I had gotten good at getting my ducks in a row before reporting to jail. Hell, I even set up the locker plan before I went in.

 Of course, because it was the first day of the semester the line was a mile long. I finally got to talk to someone. They look me up, and saw that I did indeed pay. BUT, apparently there was a computer glitch for a few days, and anyone who had paid on-line...well the payment didn't cross over to the right place, and all of their classes were dropped.  "WHAT?!...my classes are dropped? I need THOSE classes, at THOSE times. Lady, I don't think you understand". She was nice enough, she explained that, "I was not alone many students are going through this". "Yea, but how many of them had to explain the whole schedule thing to guards to get permission to go", I thought.

Luckily, she was able to get me back into all of my classes, except 2...they were full. She said, I would have to talk to the instructors to get special sign off to get my classes at the times I needed. Great, it the first day of school, I was high on life getting to get out of jail for the day, I was happy to have figured out the bus with no problem, I was actually looking forward to doing homework..and then before I have even taken note one, I have to run around campus like a mad woman trying to find my instructors to beg them to let me into their full classes. I started, to talk to myself, "Common' God, REALLY?, REALLY?"

I am happy to say by the end of my stressful day, everything did work out. Thank God! I had taken a pretty heavy class load knowing I would have plenty of time on my hands. I was able to be out 12 hours MWF, and 5 hours on Saturday.

I was able to see DH on those days. He would pick me up from school. It was against the rules. I was supposed to be on the bus. We would sneak in some fast food dinners. He would take my dirty clothes, and give me clean ones. We got to get in a kiss, and hug or two. Then he would drop me off at the bus stop,and I would walk the rest of the way.

There were a couple of other girls that were in school too. We would all sit at the same table, and study. Most of the others were respectful of our need for quiet. Like I said it was a more civilized facility.

There were some nights we didn't study. Like the nights when "The Bachelor" was on. Everyone was into that show. We all gathered around the flat screen TV on our plastic stacking chairs, munching on our vending machine snacks. In some ways, it was kind of like a slumber party at times. Well a slumber party, where every one has on the same pj's, has to have the lights out by 11:00pm, and ya can't go home if you're homesick.

What was VERY hard on me though, was, for the second year in a row...I was spending my wedding anniversary, AND birthday...my 40th birthday in jail. I felt horrible for my DH. It was a hard choice...do I delay, and spend our anniversary together, or go in right away, so that I could be home for DD graduation. Well, you all know, the choice I made.

On a happier note. The girls, my fellow criminals, and the guards gave me a birthday surprise. I was on my bunk studying. I heard the guard call my name over the PA. I thought, I was in trouble for something. When I got to the day room, I was met with the girls singing me "Happy Birthday", several hand made cards, and gifts of treats from the vending machine. It almost made me cry.

OK, I once again have to get ready for work.

More tomorrow.

Jail, Jail, Jail #6a

Ok, so where I left off was looking for my DH's "hope" piece he wrote for church...He cannot yet find it. When he does he has given me permission to post it.

I also mentioned I would talk about the outcome of my sentence.

I was sentenced 175 days. to the Waukesha County Huber Facility. I would be able to get out to go to school. Waukesha County only gives you 1/4 of your sentence off for "good time". I quickly did the math, and I WOULD be out for my DD's graduation..."WHEW"!  I started my sentence on January 12th. My new semester didn't begin until January 21st. Which meant I would have to sit for those days. I also was able to get out to see my therapist. I did have one appointment with her about a week in.  I was grateful for that.

I have to say this facility, was the nicest of all of the correctional facilities. There were 3 large rooms, for the women. Each room had about 8-10 metal bunks. They were still the metal bunks with the 1inch thick pads, no pillows, and scratchy blankets, but there was carpet on the floor. It was kind of carpet..more like indoor/outdoor turf, but it was better than cold slab. The bathroom actually had 3 stalls...WITH DOORS...HOOT! The showers had curtains...I was thinking, "This is the "Hilton" of jails". So strange that even in correctional facilities, it seems that things are nicer, more upscale, as you move away from the city, and into the suburbs. The cars in the Huber parking lot were impressive. There were even a few BMW's. The guards were even A BIT more civilized.

Out side of the 3 bunk rooms, there was a "day room" which included, tables, chairs(the plastic stacking variety), vending machines and a flat screen T.V..."What? a flat screen?....I KNOW, I don't even have one at home. The food still sucked. After all it is still jail.

My fellow inmates were, again mostly DUI's, drug related crimes, a few embezzlers, and the few that are jail lifers.

I was organized with my school schedule. I methodically planned my classes. MWFS. So once school started I would never have to sit in two days in a row. I made my first school payment on-line so everything was set.

Again, I was unusually calm about going to jail this time. Strangely at peace with it. I attribute that to finally accepting my disease as a part of me.

The most frustrating part was getting my school schedule approved by the guards. They could not understand that I needed computer time allotted as well as my class time.  Most of them not having gone to any form of higher education, did not get, that in this day and age, all homework is done on a computer, and e-mailed to the professor. So it was even more difficult to explain to them that an hour is not enough for all of my classes, not even enough for one. I had to had my professors write a note explaining for each hour of class you have an hour of homework, if not more...especially with anatomy. They finally agreed so more computer time, but not nearly enough. AND I could only have the computer time on the days I had class. The next school obstacle was that I was in jail in Waukesha, and I went to school in downtown Milwaukee. It was an hour bus ride. So, I would need 2 hours of travel time. Their response was so stupid. "Why can't you go to school in Waukesha"? Duh..."Because, I don't go to school there...um I have been going to MATC the entire time, I am in my final semester, and oh yeah right...I DON"T GO TO SCHOOL THERE"!

It was a good thing that I didn't start school for a couple of weeks...that's how long it took explain it to them.

I have more to write, but I need to shower, and get ready for work.

Stay tuned.

Jail, Jail, Jail #6

Let's see so where I left off, I was trying not to interrupt my DH's serenity. I also mentioned it was, for some reason a turning point in my recovery. I can't exactly explain why, or how. However, in that moment of admitting to the cop I had drank, a weight was lifted that day. I was calm when I called my DH, and told him the news.  At this point, I believe some Divine intervention.

I KNEW that more jail was eminent even in that moment. My whole attitude toward it was of strange peace. I didn't have the feeling of , "How can I get out of this". It was more of, "OK let's address this, and get through it as soon as possible".

I hired a lawyer. I explained that I intended to plead guilty. I just needed her legal guidance in the process. She was the first decent lawyer I have ever met in any capacity. She made sure that I had a "FAIR" judge. Not lenient, not harsh,...fair. I was well aware that a "fair" sentence would be around 6 months. A huge concern of mine was to get through the court system, and in, and out of jail by My DD's graduation from high school. Actually, that was really my only major worry, or want.

I will tell you all about how the sentencing, and graduation worked out tomorrow.

What I do want to include right now is how I felt about this time last year. My pastor had asked the congregation for stories of hope. He used both mine, and my DH's during the service. Mine follows, I will ask him later tonight if I can include his tomorrow.

I am quite sure that I will not be able to keep this to half a page: My apologies for that in advance. Please try and hang in because what I have to say may be quite important. I have learned time and time again that “I” am not very important…but the message I may bring can be the most important one of all. Please use what you can and leave the rest.




This has been a trying year in many ways, my husband has struggled with depression, we have had financial trials, and my father, and my rock…can no longer tell time anymore, due to his progressive disease. The only way I can get through all of these things are only faith, and HOPE. I feel however, the following is my best example of how faith and hope has most recently affected my life.






“I am an alcoholic, I don’t care who knows it, but it is important that I never forget it”. I borrow this phrase from a good man whom I respect. I think there can be many parallels between any addiction, the path to recovery; and the path to believing and following Christ. I have seen them both first hand.






Myself, I have struggled with both in my life time. At time in conjunction, but mostly individually. I have learned that both a commitment to recovery and a commitment to God are not too dissimilar. I feel that with both there are many components. Puzzle pieces if you will. For example, fellowship, community, the word, caring the message, and prayer. If one does some, but not all, the puzzle is never complete.






I learned recently a hard lesson in my recovery. I wasn’t doing all the work; I thought I was better than my community. I had heard the same story OVER and OVER again. I thought I GOT IT. I was still not drinking, still in “in the word” (daily AA readings), still talking with people on the phone. I did not, and chose not to be in meetings…”fellowship.”






A few months ago when things were going well, and I “thought” everything was under control. On a Tuesday, on the way to school, I thought it was a good time to buy, and consume a half pint of vodka. Why? I have no good reason…it’s a confusing disease. That is a fact, and not an excuse. I was wrong in that I wasn’t properly treating the disease. I did have immediate guilt. I did turn around to go home and not drive any further. I was on my way back home, and I saw a car with smoke coming from the hood. There were kids about my kids’ ages. I pulled over to see if they needed help. I offered my AAA card for a tow. The police arrived shortly. They asked me why I was there…I told them I stopped to help and gave the kids my AAA card. WELL…. The officer could smell the booze on my breath, and asked if I had been drinking. I said “yes.” An immediate whorl of panic, and dread plagued my brain. I KNEW I was in some pretty big trouble…AGAIN. Although, I begged God in that moment for help not to be in trouble, I knew what the outcome would be. I KNEW that I was completely out of line, and I also knew at that moment that I had not been doing what I should have been doing, in my AA program, and with Christ. I had taken myself out of the community. I thought I was better than that, or so I thought. I had put myself in the driver’s seat.






Working with God, and Christ is so much the same. We need to work all parts as I spoke of earlier. If we leave out even one piece the puzzle will never be completed. I know this in both recovery, and in my spiritual growth, but sometimes I just don’t do it. We all need to be involved in EVERY area.






Ok here is the cool thing. As hard as it was for me to be handcuffed in the back of a squad car AGAIN…I heard the dispatcher saying…”So you have a DUI AND a good Samaritan in the same stop?” The officer replied, “no, the DUI IS the good Samaritan.”






Sense then I have had my hinney in a whole lot of meetings. I have brought some new people to Riverwood that I have met at the meetings. I should have met them earlier, but I chose not to be part of that community. I don’t know…maybe they will stay, maybe not. I know that I was not fulfilling hope in the times I chose not to be in the community. I wasn’t there so I could neither help others in AA, nor spread the message of Christ. I feel that spreading the message IS hope. I know that I am right where I am supposed to be, and that I have to have faith in God. HOPE!






I have to try to stay out of the driver’s seat and just have hope. Hope that if I can just be quite for a moment and listen I will be directed in the right way.






Today I have so much hope. I am so very grateful for my husband, and family to see me through this difficult time.






I have even a greater hope that I can be a better disciple in that I have learned over, and over how not to do things. What does not work. The program of Christ is simple, the same as it is in AA (a Christ based program), Surrender, believe, read the word, live and be in the community, and carry the word. Seems so simple. Why do we complicate it?






I thank all of those around me who are so understanding, and supportive. I will be away for a few months. I do think I did something wrong, and do deserve some punishment. I am not sure what it should be, but I will deal with whatever the outcome may be. I am not ashamed to tell my community what I have done. Shame and guilt are good and important emotions. I also do know that we do no one any help if we are stuck in them. They are only emotions meant to exist for a short time. We need to move through them quickly so we can grow and evolve into a better person. We need to evolve into hope, and faith. In these emotions we can help others. We can grow our community, we can become stronger.






I have learned in the last several years through difficult times comes growth. I surely believe that. I also believe that hope, and faiths are what have always gotten me through rough times, even when I did not realize it. The really neat thing now is that I KNOW that faith, and hope will always be the way of my life even if on occasion I have to get through shame and guilt to get there.






It’s Christmas day. A good friend of mine died today. He chose not to use every puzzle piece. I cry for him, but mostly I am sad that he couldn’t put all of the pieces together before he passed. I will carry his message that if we can help one another and live in hope; we will be able to make the pieces fit together. Again, this message applies to all of us. Make it work…we all need to do our part.