Uh,
Sometimes I HATE being a parent. Especially when it comes to discipline. I am soooo bad at it, Yet ,I know the kids need it. It still blows.
Funny thing...I KNOW my mom would yell at me for saying "sucks", "ladies don't use that word" rings in my head. Mom get out of my head already! Sometimes things SUCK, and unfortunately there is no other word to describe it.
I have never been very good a discipline, especially with the guilt of divorce, and alcholoism. I felt like I "understood my kids" I felt bad for them for the situation of divorce. I was not strict.
I think in some ways it worked. My DD never had a curfew, and mostly hung out at home( I love when the kids and friends are here) She never abused it and ALWAYS asked permission if she would be out usually late...Same with the boy so far same set of rules, He has never abused curfew, and although we have had issues...none so much as last night. I will not go into details because that is our private life. I will say that I have begun to question my parenting.
I have ALWAYS told the kids they could tell me anything...and meant it...AND they have. I questioned my DS when I thought he was having sex...He told me the truth. Many moms will disagree with me when I found he did have sex( he told the truth), and told him if he could not afford a condom...one will be provided for him. ....Note to moms...you may judge me...go ahead...I would rather be proactive then oblivious. When they start they will never stop...duh, it is sex after all.
O.K. back to the topic...discipline. I am an addict, a drunk...I still smoke. I hate that I can't quit. My DS has been taking smokes from me, even butts from the ashtray. I have resorted to...for quite some time...flushing the butts, watching my pack every moment he is here, and sleeping with my purse under my pillow.
I hate that...I hate that I see me in him. I am so worried...I REALLY don't want him to follow my path. Last night we came to blows...I busted him smoking...and a bit more...I took his phone away...he, Of COURSE pulled the "drunk card" on me...REALLY bad for the guild ridden mom, that SUCKS at discipline.
He then left the house for a long time, which resulted in me having to call his father(luckily we live about a half mile from each other), DS was not there, called his friends, sent my hubby step-dad to make the rounds at his friends to find him. Dad sd...let him be...the worst that can happen where we live, if he is out all night, is bug bites.
Long story longer, he IS home safe, and we did talk. BUT he pulled at my heart strings...as he ALWAYS does. We had a good talk, but then I said, "Glad we talked, but you STILL don't get your phone back".
Probably the first time I never caved. Man I so get the, It hurts me more than you thing.
I guess the dog story will still have to wait.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
MOM's Poem (via a great mom, and good friend)
So many feelings in my head today
you seem so young to be on your way
but with tearful eyes and a smiling face
I sent you off with a long embrace.
I hid my tears as you were leaving
for fear you'd see how my heart was grieving.
I whispered to you "Be brave and strong,
Mommy will be back before too long."
As I looked into your eyes, I knew
it was me who needed those words, not you!
Has it really been five years gone by?
Since first I sang that lullaby
to a tiny baby, so soft and round,
calmed only by my heart's sound?
The years rushed by so quickly dear
and now each moment seems so clear;
first steps, first words, first secret whispers,
first time you held your baby sisters.
Your best friend is a brown stuffed bunny.
You take him everywhere, but itsn't it funny,
today he sits on your favorite chair,
I watched you as you placed him there.
"I go to school today", you said
and gently, patting him on his head,
assured him you'd be back soon
and off you skipped, out of the room.
I stayed there with Bunny, for just a while.
It gave me comfort and made me smile.
Being alone with him, your well worn friend,
as your babyhood days came to an end.
"Mommy, Hurry!" you called to me,
"There's something you just have to see!"
"I drew this picture all my myself,
I cut it out and it's on the shelf.
It's a caterpillar and a butterfly.
I drew it for you, do you know why?"
You placed the picture in my hand.
"Come on Mom, don't you understand?"
"This is just like me today!
I've changed, like him and can fly away!"
My eyes welled up with pride and tears.
You're wise, my child, beyond your years.
I knew it then, you were truly ready.
So with newfound strength and hands more steady,
off we went to a brand new start
with only happiness in my heart.
We walked together up the hall,
your hand in mine, still so small.
Your teacher was wiating there at the door,
so I knelt down then, just one thing more.
In your ear I whispered, "fly my child."
You knew my meaning and you smiled.
So many feelings in my head today.
But I know you are ready to be on your way.
you seem so young to be on your way
but with tearful eyes and a smiling face
I sent you off with a long embrace.
I hid my tears as you were leaving
for fear you'd see how my heart was grieving.
I whispered to you "Be brave and strong,
Mommy will be back before too long."
As I looked into your eyes, I knew
it was me who needed those words, not you!
Has it really been five years gone by?
Since first I sang that lullaby
to a tiny baby, so soft and round,
calmed only by my heart's sound?
The years rushed by so quickly dear
and now each moment seems so clear;
first steps, first words, first secret whispers,
first time you held your baby sisters.
Your best friend is a brown stuffed bunny.
You take him everywhere, but itsn't it funny,
today he sits on your favorite chair,
I watched you as you placed him there.
"I go to school today", you said
and gently, patting him on his head,
assured him you'd be back soon
and off you skipped, out of the room.
I stayed there with Bunny, for just a while.
It gave me comfort and made me smile.
Being alone with him, your well worn friend,
as your babyhood days came to an end.
"Mommy, Hurry!" you called to me,
"There's something you just have to see!"
"I drew this picture all my myself,
I cut it out and it's on the shelf.
It's a caterpillar and a butterfly.
I drew it for you, do you know why?"
You placed the picture in my hand.
"Come on Mom, don't you understand?"
"This is just like me today!
I've changed, like him and can fly away!"
My eyes welled up with pride and tears.
You're wise, my child, beyond your years.
I knew it then, you were truly ready.
So with newfound strength and hands more steady,
off we went to a brand new start
with only happiness in my heart.
We walked together up the hall,
your hand in mine, still so small.
Your teacher was wiating there at the door,
so I knelt down then, just one thing more.
In your ear I whispered, "fly my child."
You knew my meaning and you smiled.
So many feelings in my head today.
But I know you are ready to be on your way.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Feeling Oh so much better!
I know I have been remiss the last couple days. So sorry. I am feeling MUCH better..not 100% but getting there.
I spent yesterday canning MORE pickles, AND Salsa. Mostly because I felt I needed to get SOMETHING done after being in bed and useless the last few days. I could at least sit and chop and cook. The salsa was a new canning adventure for me. I always look for recopies, then take a bit from each one, and punt. It was all going well with my tomatoes,and peppers.I bought cilantro b/c mine did not do well this year, as well as garlic, and onions....otherwise it was all home grown.
This is the first year I had grown habaneros. I do like to grow a variety of peppers. My DD loves to make salsa, and is amazing at it. (Her guacamole is to die for).
In fact, we love peppers so much and like hot, it had become a bit of a challenge of who could take the hottest. Last year at a family dinner(which included the kids and their friends...I love to have as many as possible for dinner) I had grown a "cherry bomb" pepper. My DS said he could handle it. I know this may sound sick to some of you moms..but it was harmless, and well if ya have teens... kind of amusing. So as an industrious teen he bet me $5.00 that he could eat one. I gleefully took him up on that. I had previously tried one....HOT!. SO while at the dinner table he ate the whole thing...eyes watering...sweat pouring...I ALMOST felt bad, but so worth it. Best $5.00 I had ever spent. Especially, for dealing with the day to day events of any teen.
OK back to the salsa...SO I made a pretty big batch...all said and done enough to fill 8 pints to can, and 2 pints left to eat. NOTE TO ALL...2 habaneros, ESPECIALLY included with chilies, hot wax, and jalapenos.....WAY TO MUCH!!! FIRE! Mind you the total pepper combo was less then 1/4 cup. So as I tired to adjust the recipe it became a game of "you try it." ..."I'm not gonna try it, you try it" Honestly my lips burned for an hour after my first try. AGAIN...thank god for children. We all decided TOO HOT! I had to go purchase more tomatoes at a farmer's stand...not bad about 4 lbs for $2.00. Had SD hi to the neighbors on the way out...told them my story. They replied, "WE LOVE IT HOT". I am sure they were referring to the salsa. I promised them to save them some before I "fixed" it.
In fact, I did give them some before I amended it...they loved it!!! WOW, they DO like it hot. Salsa was corrected to a "medium" level. Much more then I had planned, but NP I had the jars. My only problem now was who would taste it...I had exhausted my gunny pigs.....AGAIN, luckily the kids have friends...it was go. AND after I assured DD, that it was fixed, she tried, and gave me a thumbs up. WHEW!(literally)
OK so now for the REAL reason I decided to write today. Ya know when you are having coffee, or sitting on the pot, and ya notice the webs in the ceiling and walls... and ya think, "ugh I need to deal with that". AND it goes on for days? I consider myself to be fairly tidy, but I do HATE those jobs. I really don't mind the spiders(as long as they are not the hairy big ones). The kind of airy ones that just kind of live in the corner...those are OK. I actually have one in the corner of my bed room I have kind of grown accustom to.
ANYWAY... I am not sure if b/c I was feeling so awful the last few days, and feeling so much better today, I took on the project of the ceiling, and wall cleaning. OH what a project. I had always wanted a house where you had the kitchen cupboards with room to display things on top of. OH MY! That's all I will say about that. I will also admit that I found myself apologizing to the Eco-systems I destroyed as I was vacuuming.
It is good to feel good, that is for sure, I know I always take that for granted until I feel crappy. I need to try and remember everyday I feel good that it is a gift! Even though, on occasion it means disrupting another Eco-system.
More to do yet to day....
I guess the "dog story" will have to wait yet again...not much of a cliff-hanger...but stay tuned.
I spent yesterday canning MORE pickles, AND Salsa. Mostly because I felt I needed to get SOMETHING done after being in bed and useless the last few days. I could at least sit and chop and cook. The salsa was a new canning adventure for me. I always look for recopies, then take a bit from each one, and punt. It was all going well with my tomatoes,and peppers.I bought cilantro b/c mine did not do well this year, as well as garlic, and onions....otherwise it was all home grown.
This is the first year I had grown habaneros. I do like to grow a variety of peppers. My DD loves to make salsa, and is amazing at it. (Her guacamole is to die for).
In fact, we love peppers so much and like hot, it had become a bit of a challenge of who could take the hottest. Last year at a family dinner(which included the kids and their friends...I love to have as many as possible for dinner) I had grown a "cherry bomb" pepper. My DS said he could handle it. I know this may sound sick to some of you moms..but it was harmless, and well if ya have teens... kind of amusing. So as an industrious teen he bet me $5.00 that he could eat one. I gleefully took him up on that. I had previously tried one....HOT!. SO while at the dinner table he ate the whole thing...eyes watering...sweat pouring...I ALMOST felt bad, but so worth it. Best $5.00 I had ever spent. Especially, for dealing with the day to day events of any teen.
OK back to the salsa...SO I made a pretty big batch...all said and done enough to fill 8 pints to can, and 2 pints left to eat. NOTE TO ALL...2 habaneros, ESPECIALLY included with chilies, hot wax, and jalapenos.....WAY TO MUCH!!! FIRE! Mind you the total pepper combo was less then 1/4 cup. So as I tired to adjust the recipe it became a game of "you try it." ..."I'm not gonna try it, you try it" Honestly my lips burned for an hour after my first try. AGAIN...thank god for children. We all decided TOO HOT! I had to go purchase more tomatoes at a farmer's stand...not bad about 4 lbs for $2.00. Had SD hi to the neighbors on the way out...told them my story. They replied, "WE LOVE IT HOT". I am sure they were referring to the salsa. I promised them to save them some before I "fixed" it.
In fact, I did give them some before I amended it...they loved it!!! WOW, they DO like it hot. Salsa was corrected to a "medium" level. Much more then I had planned, but NP I had the jars. My only problem now was who would taste it...I had exhausted my gunny pigs.....AGAIN, luckily the kids have friends...it was go. AND after I assured DD, that it was fixed, she tried, and gave me a thumbs up. WHEW!(literally)
OK so now for the REAL reason I decided to write today. Ya know when you are having coffee, or sitting on the pot, and ya notice the webs in the ceiling and walls... and ya think, "ugh I need to deal with that". AND it goes on for days? I consider myself to be fairly tidy, but I do HATE those jobs. I really don't mind the spiders(as long as they are not the hairy big ones). The kind of airy ones that just kind of live in the corner...those are OK. I actually have one in the corner of my bed room I have kind of grown accustom to.
ANYWAY... I am not sure if b/c I was feeling so awful the last few days, and feeling so much better today, I took on the project of the ceiling, and wall cleaning. OH what a project. I had always wanted a house where you had the kitchen cupboards with room to display things on top of. OH MY! That's all I will say about that. I will also admit that I found myself apologizing to the Eco-systems I destroyed as I was vacuuming.
It is good to feel good, that is for sure, I know I always take that for granted until I feel crappy. I need to try and remember everyday I feel good that it is a gift! Even though, on occasion it means disrupting another Eco-system.
More to do yet to day....
I guess the "dog story" will have to wait yet again...not much of a cliff-hanger...but stay tuned.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Ugh!
Sorry all,
I promised the rest of the dog story, the other day. I was unfortunately met with a very painful burst of an ovarian cyst. Tues night I was doubled over in pain, and had the hope that it was gas or something. About 12 years ago I had similar pain, it was an ovarian cyst. I knew then that not much could be done about it, so I figured I would hunker down, and wait it out. My Hubby wanted to take me to the ER, I refused, and said to wait it out. This morning he insisted I go. He offered to take me, I sd no, I will be ok. I must admit I was a bit concerned, and that is why I went...I HATE going to the Dr. After I.V. fluids, ultra sound, and some painkillers...I am here to post a brief message. First it WAS an ovarian cyst.. that burst, and the only thing to be done is to wait it out, I just now have the help of painkillers.
While on the way from the urgent care center to the hospital, I had just enough time to let out the dogs. I felt pretty horrible, but well enough to manage to get to the hospital ( to get the ultrasound that sd..yep burst cyst)
Anyhow, I KNEW that I had to get the "coupon train" that I am involved in out, as I had received it on Tues. Coupon ppl are VERY picky about being prompt. (I know this b/c I am a total coupon queen). So in much pain on the way to the hospital...so not looking for sympathy..I should have gone when hubby said to go...I stopped at the post office after refilling the coupon train envelope for it to be metered and mailed. So I get there with my already addressed envelope...asked for it to be metered to I could go on my way for help, and the postal woman asks, " Did you get the envelope here?" I sd, " No, well not today, but I had it at home." She glared at me like I stole it from the front, and tried to pass it off like I had not. Mind you this is a postal office in a VERY small town where there was no line, has never been any line. (except for maybe Dec 23rd)
I explained that I often buy many at a time, and that I had brought it from home. Hell, she had seen me walk from the car directly to her desk. She proceeded to question me, and explain if I HAD bought it ahead of time there would have been some mark on the back that would indicate that.. BLAH BLAH BLAH...She sounded like the teacher from "Peanuts" I was doubling over in pain...Shot her a look, and" told her to just CHARGE me for the stupid envelope for the coupon train already."
.
Thankfully she did not...not that I cared if she did.
Apparently mom is not always right...sometimes you get bees just by looking like ya wanna kill someone who is an idiot...especially when in pain....Although I do normally suggest honey.
I went on my way to the hospital, found out that I had a ovarian cyst burst, got some painkillers, and have had a bit of a rest.
I think that is all for now.
I promised the rest of the dog story, the other day. I was unfortunately met with a very painful burst of an ovarian cyst. Tues night I was doubled over in pain, and had the hope that it was gas or something. About 12 years ago I had similar pain, it was an ovarian cyst. I knew then that not much could be done about it, so I figured I would hunker down, and wait it out. My Hubby wanted to take me to the ER, I refused, and said to wait it out. This morning he insisted I go. He offered to take me, I sd no, I will be ok. I must admit I was a bit concerned, and that is why I went...I HATE going to the Dr. After I.V. fluids, ultra sound, and some painkillers...I am here to post a brief message. First it WAS an ovarian cyst.. that burst, and the only thing to be done is to wait it out, I just now have the help of painkillers.
While on the way from the urgent care center to the hospital, I had just enough time to let out the dogs. I felt pretty horrible, but well enough to manage to get to the hospital ( to get the ultrasound that sd..yep burst cyst)
Anyhow, I KNEW that I had to get the "coupon train" that I am involved in out, as I had received it on Tues. Coupon ppl are VERY picky about being prompt. (I know this b/c I am a total coupon queen). So in much pain on the way to the hospital...so not looking for sympathy..I should have gone when hubby said to go...I stopped at the post office after refilling the coupon train envelope for it to be metered and mailed. So I get there with my already addressed envelope...asked for it to be metered to I could go on my way for help, and the postal woman asks, " Did you get the envelope here?" I sd, " No, well not today, but I had it at home." She glared at me like I stole it from the front, and tried to pass it off like I had not. Mind you this is a postal office in a VERY small town where there was no line, has never been any line. (except for maybe Dec 23rd)
I explained that I often buy many at a time, and that I had brought it from home. Hell, she had seen me walk from the car directly to her desk. She proceeded to question me, and explain if I HAD bought it ahead of time there would have been some mark on the back that would indicate that.. BLAH BLAH BLAH...She sounded like the teacher from "Peanuts" I was doubling over in pain...Shot her a look, and" told her to just CHARGE me for the stupid envelope for the coupon train already."
.
Thankfully she did not...not that I cared if she did.
Apparently mom is not always right...sometimes you get bees just by looking like ya wanna kill someone who is an idiot...especially when in pain....Although I do normally suggest honey.
I went on my way to the hospital, found out that I had a ovarian cyst burst, got some painkillers, and have had a bit of a rest.
I think that is all for now.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day two
More on the dog story later today..but
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!
I just took my clinical final in phlebotomy(blood draw). Sadly I did not get 100%. I did get a 95%.
I also had to address while at school, a psychology class transfer from UW-superior in 1999. A transfer I need for my diploma, that I have been working on since before June. Paper work filed, have had many meetings with advisor....he sd it takes time to show up on my transcript. I met with him AGAIN today, he sd go see x-person, "It may be on her desk."
Now, this is mins before I go for my final. I get to x's office. Ok this next part there is no way to be PC, I do love black people...and have many black friends...lived with one for four years....but I can't REALLY do this story justice unless I tell the WHOLE story. So I wait for five mins while the receptionists gets off the phone OBVIOUSLY with her b/f. I ask for the person I am supposed to meet. I feverishly use the time to cram a few more facts into my head. The largest, most angry, black woman I have ever seen..calls my name. I look up and a feeling of "oh crap" surrounds me. I think for a second about how I was the one that walked through all the "red ropes", and yet no help now. I explained my situation, that it had been 3 months, and yet nothing. She stated that,"I hate when those ppl upstairs send you students down to me...I have so much going on and I don't have time. YOU need to be CALM, and just WAIT!...As far as I know the dean hasn't sent down the papers...THEY have all been on VACATION."
Now I KNOW that my fate is this woman's hands. With a pre-final cramp in my gut, and not nearly enough "SURE" to be confident, not to mention the anger I was trying to stuff....I sd" Ms...so n so, I KNOW that you are so dumped on, I UNDERSTAND how over worked your are. I REALIZE that "those guys" from upstairs send us to you because they don't want to deal with "us." BUT, please I am taking my final in a few mins, I can't get my degree until this class is transferred...I am just like you...on the bottom...just needing a step up.
Guess what? A few mins after I got home, I got a call from Ms so n so. It appears my form was the NEXT one on the file and will be processed TODAY.
Guess mom was right(eh I hate to say that) Easier to catch a bee with honey.
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!
I just took my clinical final in phlebotomy(blood draw). Sadly I did not get 100%. I did get a 95%.
I also had to address while at school, a psychology class transfer from UW-superior in 1999. A transfer I need for my diploma, that I have been working on since before June. Paper work filed, have had many meetings with advisor....he sd it takes time to show up on my transcript. I met with him AGAIN today, he sd go see x-person, "It may be on her desk."
Now, this is mins before I go for my final. I get to x's office. Ok this next part there is no way to be PC, I do love black people...and have many black friends...lived with one for four years....but I can't REALLY do this story justice unless I tell the WHOLE story. So I wait for five mins while the receptionists gets off the phone OBVIOUSLY with her b/f. I ask for the person I am supposed to meet. I feverishly use the time to cram a few more facts into my head. The largest, most angry, black woman I have ever seen..calls my name. I look up and a feeling of "oh crap" surrounds me. I think for a second about how I was the one that walked through all the "red ropes", and yet no help now. I explained my situation, that it had been 3 months, and yet nothing. She stated that,"I hate when those ppl upstairs send you students down to me...I have so much going on and I don't have time. YOU need to be CALM, and just WAIT!...As far as I know the dean hasn't sent down the papers...THEY have all been on VACATION."
Now I KNOW that my fate is this woman's hands. With a pre-final cramp in my gut, and not nearly enough "SURE" to be confident, not to mention the anger I was trying to stuff....I sd" Ms...so n so, I KNOW that you are so dumped on, I UNDERSTAND how over worked your are. I REALIZE that "those guys" from upstairs send us to you because they don't want to deal with "us." BUT, please I am taking my final in a few mins, I can't get my degree until this class is transferred...I am just like you...on the bottom...just needing a step up.
Guess what? A few mins after I got home, I got a call from Ms so n so. It appears my form was the NEXT one on the file and will be processed TODAY.
Guess mom was right(eh I hate to say that) Easier to catch a bee with honey.
Monday, August 23, 2010
How do I Begin...
Hey all...my name is Ann. I set up this page months ago. I thought that some amazing thought or revelation would come to me...something very important to say. I have a good story, and have tried to figure out how to tell it.
I have decided to tell it as it comes, and "flash back" as needed.
I have lived a very amazing, unsual, painful, successful, confusing life. Not so different than most, but maybe a bit.
I have been a student, wife (twice...and still am), a mother, a manager of a major chain, a stripper, a well known model, a bartender, a top sales person, a drunk, and a student looking for a job AGAIN.
I know it all sounds too crazy...but all true.
At this point I am just looking for "normal." That is so odd to me because for most of my life I was trying to get out of "normal. I grew up in a town of norther WI...not quite normal, but just wanted to get out. I was the youngest of 4. Good parents, good up bringing, but not to be with out issues(to be discussed at a later date)
Went to college, with many scholoraships, got engauged, left the private school I loved b/c I didn't want to be 100k in debdt. I then transfered to UW-Madison. Broke up with fiance(more to that story later) Met my first husband, who was in pharmacy school. I worked with him at Walgreens(the company I had worked with since I was 15, back in Superior, WI...nice transfer process)
Got pregnant, got married...(much more to add...trying to be brief on the background at the moment)
Was cheated on, stayed married 8 more years...(mom and dad sd it was for life)...really glad I did not listen
During my marriage...which was probably way too soon for both of us...I rebelled after my husband chaeted on me and became a stripper(more on that later too...there may be a clip on Richard Bey to prove that)
After my ex-husband told me I was ugly, not attractive, and he could not stand me....and after I had started stripping. I chose to go to modeling agencies in Milwaukee, and Chicago.
They loved me! I got hired right and left, I soon found myself all over the globe.
Making money. I didn't care that he was cheating. At one point he forbid me to go abroad. I left.
At some point around year 6 or 7 in marriage I introduced extasy. He loved it. It became a problem, he LOVED it I did for a while but hated the way I felt after. I feel like it was the only way we could take each other. BAD!!!!
I feel like I will stop hear for now. I think that is a good beginning.
The reason I wanted to even begin to write today is my dogs. I have 3. It was never my intention to have three. I had Ginger with my ex husband, and Oscar a blue and gold macwac. When I lived in NYC I did not have them. When I decided to move back to WI with my current (amazing) hubbby...6 blockls away from my ex husband...we got them back...so fast that "SHE " did not want them. Oh my we had no furniture in the house, and she was moving them in....HONESTLY she tried to sell the bird whom I loved(and so did my ex husband) back to me. More on that later.Oh sorry got lost for a moment. Ok so Ging took a turn for the worst a couple of years ago...she will be 18 this year. My NEW(but not new anymore) husband and I knew that we could not be without a dog, we went to shelters, and had a friend of a friend, tell us about a golden retreiver. His name is Titan....not his given name(and he really was not a rescue....his "indian" parents had too much going on, and just had no time for him, they had to go back to india to deal with family issues. They call him "Tuffy" I could not call him that. I forgot to mention they own the local gas station, and "Tuffy" see's them when I go there. It just so happens we HATED the name "Tuffy" and changed it to TITAN(still a t- and still 2 sylables) A much worse story about "Tuffy name later...don't worry he is still here and alive"
Oh so let me go back a bit, so now ya know about Titan(Tuffy).....it does not end there.
I have decided to tell it as it comes, and "flash back" as needed.
I have lived a very amazing, unsual, painful, successful, confusing life. Not so different than most, but maybe a bit.
I have been a student, wife (twice...and still am), a mother, a manager of a major chain, a stripper, a well known model, a bartender, a top sales person, a drunk, and a student looking for a job AGAIN.
I know it all sounds too crazy...but all true.
At this point I am just looking for "normal." That is so odd to me because for most of my life I was trying to get out of "normal. I grew up in a town of norther WI...not quite normal, but just wanted to get out. I was the youngest of 4. Good parents, good up bringing, but not to be with out issues(to be discussed at a later date)
Went to college, with many scholoraships, got engauged, left the private school I loved b/c I didn't want to be 100k in debdt. I then transfered to UW-Madison. Broke up with fiance(more to that story later) Met my first husband, who was in pharmacy school. I worked with him at Walgreens(the company I had worked with since I was 15, back in Superior, WI...nice transfer process)
Got pregnant, got married...(much more to add...trying to be brief on the background at the moment)
Was cheated on, stayed married 8 more years...(mom and dad sd it was for life)...really glad I did not listen
During my marriage...which was probably way too soon for both of us...I rebelled after my husband chaeted on me and became a stripper(more on that later too...there may be a clip on Richard Bey to prove that)
After my ex-husband told me I was ugly, not attractive, and he could not stand me....and after I had started stripping. I chose to go to modeling agencies in Milwaukee, and Chicago.
They loved me! I got hired right and left, I soon found myself all over the globe.
Making money. I didn't care that he was cheating. At one point he forbid me to go abroad. I left.
At some point around year 6 or 7 in marriage I introduced extasy. He loved it. It became a problem, he LOVED it I did for a while but hated the way I felt after. I feel like it was the only way we could take each other. BAD!!!!
I feel like I will stop hear for now. I think that is a good beginning.
The reason I wanted to even begin to write today is my dogs. I have 3. It was never my intention to have three. I had Ginger with my ex husband, and Oscar a blue and gold macwac. When I lived in NYC I did not have them. When I decided to move back to WI with my current (amazing) hubbby...6 blockls away from my ex husband...we got them back...so fast that "SHE " did not want them. Oh my we had no furniture in the house, and she was moving them in....HONESTLY she tried to sell the bird whom I loved(and so did my ex husband) back to me. More on that later.Oh sorry got lost for a moment. Ok so Ging took a turn for the worst a couple of years ago...she will be 18 this year. My NEW(but not new anymore) husband and I knew that we could not be without a dog, we went to shelters, and had a friend of a friend, tell us about a golden retreiver. His name is Titan....not his given name(and he really was not a rescue....his "indian" parents had too much going on, and just had no time for him, they had to go back to india to deal with family issues. They call him "Tuffy" I could not call him that. I forgot to mention they own the local gas station, and "Tuffy" see's them when I go there. It just so happens we HATED the name "Tuffy" and changed it to TITAN(still a t- and still 2 sylables) A much worse story about "Tuffy name later...don't worry he is still here and alive"
Oh so let me go back a bit, so now ya know about Titan(Tuffy).....it does not end there.
Getting Started
Hey, my name is Ann. Wow I have so much to share, and I am not sure where to begin. I set up this account many months ago. Since, I have wanted to begin many times over. I have now made the commitment to just shoot from the hip...not try and plan what comes out.
So here it goes. I will give
So here it goes. I will give
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
