We Don't Know How We Can Help Until We Know!!!! Please READ!!!!

I think one of the most important things to admit..is, "I just don't know". I feel that that is one phrase that most of us do not admit. I think it is the most important one to be honest about. Honest to ourselves, honest to our kids', just honest.

I just don't know where this blog will bring me next. I will say that it has been a great journey so far...for me.

I still have much to say. I feel that there are so much more  interesting  topics to me... sometime I wonder:? Is it interesting to others? Is is helpful?

I do have several responses that say that what I say has helped them. Eh I hope so.

I often wonder what I will talk about in a daily  blog. What do I say?  Sometimes, I think about a topic for days. Even when I think I have a topic, I have to wonder if it is "blog worthy".

I wonder often...Is what I have to say interesting? And then I think about the whole puropse of this blog. It is not for anyone else,  but me! It was initially a place to get thoughts out of my head. It was a journal. It was a jounal, but a journal of some things I needed to say to others. Some things you need to say out loud.

Although, it has helped me soo VERY much, I am happy that I can also help others.

It has evloved into so much more. I am amazed, and grateful for that. Grateful that I have been able to help others in on so many different topics.
Sometimes I feel that what I write is trivial...and sometimes it is. Sometimes what I write it is meant to laugh, sometimes to cry, sometimes I need to send a message... Sometimes I need help. I also hope at some point I would at least connect to others.

As grown-ups, we go through life as "definite." We have responsibilities, bills, jobs(hopefully).

I know this seems a bit obtuse...HELL I know it is. May I ask you to ask yourselves just to step out and help someone ya know. Someone, in your neighborhood....a friend, of a friend, just help someone.

Not for nothing, I lost a job that I loved. I will continue to apply, I will always help others. I have so much more than so many do. I am so grateful for that.

This last month I have posted on FB for a couple of causes.
This story is from one of my daughter's good friends...Please help. $5.00 will help...EVERYTHING HELPS!
http://blockmelanoma.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=451613&lis=1&kntae451613=8CC0C2971B0B4D9EAC9D4B778340BF7F&supId=292296253

Oh Wait there is more!!!!

OH MY GOD, His girls are amazing!!! Please read the  NEXT Story!
Jim Mattson
Hello Friends, our twins Sydney and Samantha were born at 24 weeks 5 days on 3/5/08. Sydney weighed 1.6 pounds and Samantha a mere 15 3/4 ounces! Please help me in my fight against premature births by supporting my March of Dimes walk by making a secure donation on my personal MOD page;
http://www.marchforbabies.org/JimMattson
Thank You for your support!

March for Babies - View Personal Page For JimMattson

www.marchforbabies.org

Every day, thousands of babies are born too soon, too small and often very sick. I'm walking in March for Babies because I want to do something about this. And I need your help. Please support my walk. Making a secure donation is easy: just click the 'donate now' button on this page. Thank you fo

Neosporin on a Speed Loader.

Ok so last week, I had blogged about walking the dogs at the exact time that my DH was driving by. That was probably a bad plan. They are dogs, but they still understand that is their people's car.  It did not turn out so good for me. The Dog's were SOOOOO excited...not to mention at the time their leashes were tangled. I bent down to untangle them. THAT is when DH passed by.

I was taken off my feet. So not prepared for the fall, I ended up with a raspberry on the place where your butt bone meets you back. Yeah, the one where your jeans rub on all day...yep that one. I also bashed the back of my head on the ground, and had a slight concussion.The head is OK (from that injury)

Please hold....but wait, there is more.

So my son, some of his friends, my nephew that was visiting from school in Chicago, decided to play HORSE (a basket ball game for those that don't know).  I think their were 5 or so playing at the time. At the end of the game it only my DS, and I were left. DS beat me by one letter.

I come from a really competitive family...ya know the type of family  when you were 5 years old, there was no letting you off the hook, no throwing the game. It didn't matter if it was "Candy Land", or "Crazy 8's", "Go Fish", was included too.

As I grew up the games, and the competition escalated. Now it was "Badminton", which we often played at our summer home. It also included, some nasty games of "Rook", "Pictonary", and "Trivial Pursuit"...to name a few. Ahhh, but "HORSE", always a family favorite.

Did I happen to mention, we were VERY competitive?

So this day, this beautiful day, the first REALLY nice day of Spring. The group of us were playing "HORSE".

UNTIL...Dun, Dun, Dun....we chose to play 2 on 2. We had just started the game. My nephew, and I were ahead until there was the dreaded moment....I ran for the ball on the ground. I was wearing my low-top fake Uggs. I tripped over them, and did a header into the pavement. Pavement is HARD!

I picked myself up, dropped the ball, and ran inside to see the damage. There was some damage. I took inventory in the mirror....big fat lip with raspberry, right eye with raspberries above, AND below, right hand 3 nice raspberries, right shoulder one HUGE raspberry.

The kids were nice enough to come check on me. When they saw I was mostly OK, and that I would live, they laughed. Eh it was OK, I laughed too, just not too hard because it hurt.

SO here is the moral of the story...fake Uggs, NOT appropriate foot wear for basketball. I am gonna go out on a limb, and say probably not flip-flops either. SNEEKERS!!!

True Friends Don't Give a Shit About What You Wear!

A night with my 2 BFF's from school. It has been more than a while since we have gotten together. We all have busy crazy lives.

I am so looking forward to being together tonight.

We are not sure what the plan is. That is OK. We seem to go where ever the wind blows us when we are together.  The amazing thing is we ALWAYS have fun. We should get together more often, we know. We also know that it is difficult to join all of the schedules

I should have left by now, but I REALLY needed to blog.

I was wondering what  I would pack. What would we do? I found myself "freaking" out in some ways. "Is this a good outfit? How do I look? What hair product should I bring? How many shoes? Then I thought," this is stupid, WTF".

It is really just about great friends getting the AWESOME chance to hang out. The clothes, shoes, make-up, and the rest doesn't  really matter. Mind you this thought came to me when I was sitting on my closet floor. I was amongst a sea of shoes, and WAY too many clothes.

I put one other outfit in my bag, 1 pair of shoes(I know it was hard), some pj's, and a few toiletries. DONE.

That was the point, where I thought I needed to share my insight.

True friends, don't give a shit about what you wear. The most important thing is getting together.

Trying to Work Toward Perfection.

The following are several FB messages from my DD.  I just want to say before I get into the body of this message, that technology has REALLY changed the parenting world..for that matter any relationship. It is all just out there.

Although my blog is publicly viewed, and I post it on FB, I do talk about VERY personal things. Why do I do that?, you ask? I do it for a number of reasons. I do it to get the thoughts out of my brain, that would keep me up at night. I do it, because I found out that I can ACTUALLY help others with my truth. I do it to help heal myself.

All of that being said, I know I have said things that may hurt, or bother others. I know my topics are not easy. I know what I say may cause feelings. I know some of those feelings might not be good ones.

I am sorry if I hurt any one's feelings. I will say this one more time..."It is not my intention to harm, or hurt anyone, but to help myself.

A couple of days ago I wrote this entry:

http://trying2getit.blogspot.com/2011/04/to-my-angel-girlplease-listen.html?zx=de437b6a20552d4c


The flowing was my DD's response.

Dear Mother~



Maybe if you had a clue you would get why I'm pissed. The problem is that you don't know me yes I won't let you know me but guess what I get to decide who I want in my life and to understand me and you have not gained that trust back yet. I'm mad:


1)I'm not mad that you invited Emily or Tyler over( I do think it was weird) ...I am mad that you failed to tell me.


2)I'm pissed Shane is living in our house and you are letting his gf and her cats move in with us.


3)I am still bitter that half my life you were gone or drunk.


4)I am BUSY! I have work school babysitting. Exams are almost here and my own shit to deal with so constantly trying to be your best friend is not my priority


‎5)My life and my business should not be posted on your fucking blog it pissed your family off and it pisses me off



6)I was in Chicago then trying to catch up on all my school work and since policies are changing at work I have to go in extra and sit through meetings so yea this past week and a half I haven't been responsive to anyone


7...) When you post shit about me or talk about me it is going to just piss me off and not make me want to be any part of your life (not that that should matter since you have created a whole replacement family)


‎8)You make things awkward when we do go out and talk and turn our conversations very uncomfertable I don't want to spend hours with someone I can't easily converse with



9)I love you and you are more than money to me but I don't need this shit and if you wanna push me like that I will move my stuff out of your house.


Love,


XXXXXX


(p.s I happen to like Rob a lot and think that he is good for us so don't question me on that maybe get the whole story before you judge me)

NOW! I am not upset or angry with her. I so am not. She feels what she feels, and it is not my place to tell ANYONE how they feel.

So here is the upside. My DD called me last night. WE had a conversation about her frustrations. We talked. For once we talked. I felt SO grateful for that.

 My DD had mentioned what she had posted on FB. I told her I had not seen it...and I had not. Frankly, I didn't care. She filled me in a bit. I told her it was fine. I have read it. Some of it hurts. DD is mostly justified.

I know that DD did not like me talking about her in my blog. I understand it. I am not sorry for that. Why? You ask? I will tell you why, because it started a discourse between the two of us. That is a GOOD thing.

I will continue to work on my Angel  Girl's relationship, and mine. It may never be perfect. I am trying my hardest to work toward perfection.

Today...Just the lyrics to my Current Favorite Song!

Lyrics to This Is The Stuff :






I lost my keys in the great unknown

And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone



This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use



45 in a 35

Sirens and fines while I'm running behind

Whoa



This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use



So break me of impatience

Conquer my frustrations

I've got a new appreciation

It's not the end of the world

Oh Oh Oh



This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff

Someone save me

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use



Oh Oh Oh Oh

This is the stuff You use



I lost my keys in the great unknown

And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone



This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use



45 in a 35

Sirens and fines while I'm running behind

Whoa



This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use



So break me of impatience

Conquer my frustrations

I've got a new appreciation

It's not the end of the world

Oh Oh Oh



This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff

Someone save me

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use



Oh Oh Oh Oh

This is the stuff You use

To "My Angel Girl"...Please listen.

I have tried to connect with DD via FB (IM).  I got nothing. My entire body hurts, from being slammed to the pavement b/c my dogs saw hubby's car when I was walking them, and  they tripped me. UGH.

I am hurt, frustrated, and annoyed. Why, you ask? OK, why? Well, aside from the physical pain...I will tell you.

I am so frustrated with my DD. I don't know how to connect with her. I SO want to. I feel like she makes it so hard. When I see her on FB, and send her a message.....she does not respond, and then goes offline.

I don't understand her anger. I think that she is currently angry with me for trying to help her friend. I So don't get that.

I am frustrated, that I am ALWAYS the one to initiate contact. I am frustrated. I have tried to get ahold of her in the past week, and no response. My DH has as well.... to fix parts on her car, and he has heard nothing back. I just don't know.

I will fully admit, I SO have not been the best mom. I have so messed up.

However, how much do I have to pay?

It seems to me that I am good for money only.  A laptop, tires on her car, gas in her tank, and, tossing her much money over the past  for school...and I ALWAYS will.

Apparently, she is annoyed I helped her friend. I don't understand that.  Apparently, she is mad I help others. DD, Just so ya know, I ALWAYS will.

I just wish I could understand, why it is so hard for us to have a relationship?

I think that is all I have to say about that.

OH "April Fools"....just wait

Never con a con-man. Never play the game if you can't deal.

Apparently, the game IS on. So my DS, wanted to play a few April Fools pranks. I am quite sure I have not found them all.

Little does he know, I, and my DH can play this game better than ANYONE!!!

So a bit ago I found out I had no water in the kitchen.  HUMMM....Sadly, my boy is SO not good at keeping a secret. HE mentioned to me that IF I needed water I should get it from the bathroom sink.  Ok, so I figured out the first prank.  I had just allowed him to go to a girls house. He has asked, this girl to prom.

Now this was war. Ya wanna play this game...let's go. So I planned w/ DH on how to pay the boy back. So here is how it went.

I had my DH call the boy and tell him...humm Actually, YELL at him about how mad I was about his prank. Forgive me, it was ACTUALLY a text in this day, and age. 

I was on the phone, yes, actually speaking w/ DH when the boy texted him back. WHAT?! WHY?! "Why am I in so much trouble"? DH told him he needed to get his butt home....he let him sweat. Mind you, the boy REALLY likes this girl.

Finally, he let him know he was off the hook. "APRIL FOOLS!!!!!"