Jail, Jail, Jail # 5

The last jail story.  Hopefully, so final. One can only hope.

This story,I have been so trying to avoid. Why you ask? Because, I  am worried. I have learned to never say never. I have said that in the past, that, "I Will never do this again. I will never be in jail AGAIN"!

I am afraid of never. I hate always. I have learned to try to get rid of never, and always in my everyday language.

Always, and never are so much the same..." I will ALWAYS do this...I will NEVER do that..."

So, I hope to never repeat jail. The time before this I swore, "I would NEVER be here again". So wrong.

OK so now the story...

So, if you have read the blog, I was just trying to get rid of the alolcholic part of me.  Sadly, it doesn't work that way. I had stooped going to meetings, I had stopped talking to fellow drunks, I stopped talking to my  pastor.

I was in school.  I had a plan. Still the whole getting the family out of debt was my job...I could help(there is more on that....read the earlier posts)

The day, this day...this really stupid day...I had a migraine for a few days. The pain was horrible. I made a really bad choice. It was it the worst migraine ever.I chose to self medicate.At least that is what I told myself. The truth was, that really that was not the truth. The truth was I chose not to treat to treat my disease.

I was on he way to school for a night class. My head hurt so bad. I stopped at a liquor store....I bought a half pint of vodka. I drank it. Thank God, I had been in the AA program for years. I felt IMMEDIATELY guilty. I panicked. "Should I pull over and make myself puke...Oh crap...I don't know...just go back home". I chose to go back home.

I chose to o back home. I started back home, I turned to go back home .OMG there was a car, a smoking car pulled over. I noticed that there where kids in the car. The kids were  very young. At the time probably the same age as my DD. I could not leave the kids on the side of the road.I had to stop, I had to help. It was at that time when the police came up....he wanted to know why I was there. I told him, " I am allowing these kids to get towed. I did help I called AAA to give them a tow. SO  the madness starts. Again the sleepy town next door...well police have not a buch to do. Well, the cop rolled up. I explained that I was helping the kids. And so it goes....

Sadly, he smelled the vodka. Yes, the same vodka I drank. The same vodka I had the guilt about. The same vodka I had turned around to go home about. Yes he smelled it.

He asked if I had been drinking.  I said, "Yes". It was a Tuesday, I know this because my husband was at an ala-non meeting. He goes most Tuesdays. He is there now.

I was defeated. I KNEW the future was not bright. Although in some ways...in that moment...I was strangely ok. I know it sounds odd, but God had me in his hands.

OK so on with the story.....So now the young person I had pulled over to help...and AAA did come....sees me get cuffed, and put in the back of a squad car.

Now, I am sitting in the back of the car, no lies, not being difficult, just defeated. I hear this over the  police radio. "...blah blah..DUI?...I thought you had a good Samaritan on site." The officer replies, " The DUI, IS the good Samaritan."

The officer asked me if I wanted to call someone. I said, "YES." I then proceeded to ask him if I could wait 15 mins, as my husband was currently at a ala-non meeting. Hell, I did not want to interrupt his serenity.

I did finally call him. I told him I did drink. I told him I was wrong. I told him to finish his meeting.

 He picked me up at the Waukesha County Jail. Not my best day..to be sure. However it was a great turning  point for me. I like to call  it the beginning of the beginning.

More to follow, I think enough for today.

Christmas..."Taco Bell?"

Ok, so I know I have to address the the Jail, Jail, Jail 5. However, I had to run into town...I know when I say," run into town".

It seems like I live in the boon docks...maybe so. The kids at that time were 4 and almost 3.I am a half hour to Milwaukee, and and hour and 15mins to Chicago. I... now again live in the same sleepy town. That means, that unless you want a REALLY long walk...town is a bit away.

Seeing the Christmas stuff hung up on the light poles, brought back memories. Some good, some bad. I am sure that  I was on the way to the grocery store. I hated the grocery store.Often it was a challenge to go shoppiing. I had two toddlers. They were both in car seats.

There was a time that my children were behaving so badly..that I left the cart and walked out..people applauded.

Anyhow, The "town" trucks were putting up the Christmas decorations on the light poles.

I am sure that I was tired, and a bit cranky. The kids, who, are now 18, and 16...then they were both  in  car seats. They started naming the decorations. "Santa, Angel, Flower...Taco Bell". Clearly a Christmas bell...but so funny at the time.  I so needed the laugh.  I needed the same laugh today...I got it.

Happy Holidays!!!

What I am Thankful For......

I am thankful for my family....all of them. We may not see eye to eye always, but I KNOW we love each other, and I am happy to have them. I am thankful for my children. I am glad that we can talk and hang out...AGAIN we might not always agree on everything, but so happy to have a relationship with them. So cool that my DD, and I can have girlie dates, I so look forward to more in the future. I am glad that my DS, and I can talk about almost anything.

I am thankful for my DH, my partner, my friend, my lover, my confidant!!!!!

I am thankful for my critters, and there are many. At times, they can be a bit frustrating...like when the dogs ate two bags of dinner rolls yesterday... BUT, that look, that snuggle. I can't stay mad for long. They are always the first to know when you are either physically, or emotionally hurting... They are right at my side.

I am thankful for my job.I really like what I do. I had no idea how long it would take to find one. I found one relatively quickly. I happened to find one that is a perfect fit for me.

I am thankful to be sober today. I am thankful for a wonderful support system of people that keep me sober.

I am thankful for this blog. It is the best way to get out of my own head. I am thankful for all of the people that read it. I am thankful for all of the words of encouragement, and understanding. I am thankful to be able to speak about some difficult topics, and not feel judged.  I am thankful to be able to help others through the blog.

I am most of all thankful for my relationship with Christ, which has made all of the above possible.

Pre Jail, Jail, Jail #5

I realize that I have been a bit off my game.

So, as promised...the next jail experience.  I know it took a bit longer than I had planned, but here it goes.

Before I begin, I think I need to establish the time frame. So the last DUI was in January of 2008, It took about a year to get to the point of sentencing, and I went to jail, on January 3 of 2009. I had been attending meetings. I was enrolled in school for Phlebotomy.

Until then I wanted to get rid of my alcoholism. Again, I wanted to cut it out of me like a bad limb...I wanted it exorcised. I thought I was better than the disease. I thought I could beat it. I felt confident. I stopped going to meetings. I thought I was bigger than the disease. I wasn't, I don't think, that I believed it was a disease. It felt like more of a defect. A defect that I could fix.

That works for a while, but sadly not for long. It is a disease, and just like diabetes, or cancer, left untreated, it is deadly. The rough thing is that when you have, diabetes, or cancer, you usually don't end up in jail for not treating the disease. That is where the whole thing becomes so confusing. There is such a social stigma of being a drunk. It is, in my opinion, easier for someone to say they have cancer. We fell awful for them...we are pulling for them to survive. When someone says I am an alcholic, the connotation is very different."Well just stop, get it together...what is your problem?"

We all picture the bum on the street begging for money. That is so not the case. I know teachers, judges, police officers, business owners, politicians, soccer moms, etc, etc....that share my disease. Sadly, we suffer. Hopefully we suffer together through organizations like AA, or church, or some other form of community. The truth is we offen suffer alone.

Sometimes I wish I had cancer, at least people could understand that. At least I could share it out loud. With this blog, aside from being healing for me...I hope to educate people on this horrible disease. And that goes for any form of addiction. Food, sex, gambling, whatever. These addictions, are all brain altering, and all need treatment. Sadly there is no pill, or radiation that can release us from them. Only much support, and a daily program to keep a step a head of the disease.

I felt I needed to explain all of this before I go on with the next jail story.

The reason is, because the last arrest was a real turning point for me. I finally stopped trying to cut of the dead limb, I stopped thinking I was better than the disease. I finally had to accept being a drunk is part of me. It is part of me for the rest of my life. In some odd way I realized I knew I had to embrace it, rather than run away from it.

That being said the story will follow.

Rough day at the "office"

Forgive me I know I said I would work on the rest of the next blog. For the love of God...I did not even get a chance to eat. It must be near a full moon. ( oh so much more on that tomorrow)

I came home and, dealt with some drama.

Tomorrow is another day. I can only say I will always keep it honest.

More in depth tomorrow....now I need a mental chill with some stupid FB games.

Working on it!

Coffee in hand, cat on my lap, and a full ashtray....

I have been working on the next "Jail" post. I will not be able to finish it before I go to work in a half hour. I will work on it more when I get home after 8:30, or 20:30 in hospital/military time.

Ok, I have been a bit remiss....I know.

I am sorry that my last couple weeks of posting have not been as regular as they had been in the past. I could make excuses, but I won't.  I will only be honest in that, a number of things have come into play.

I still am trying to get used to an ever-changing shift schedule, I have had some family conflict, in some of the things I have posted, I have felt pretty crappy for the last two weeks with a head-cold...turned into a chest-cold, while still working. In addition to all of that I am facing some REALLY hard topics, that I would rather not...but I need to.

I just got home from work. I had a GREAT couple days with my nephew that goes to college in Chicago. I have been bugging him to come visit since September. I am so glad he did this weekend. So glad to have him. Saturday, was pretty low key..DH picked him up at the train station. Had great dinner, then movie with the cuz's...well some of them. There was a bit of conflict between my DD, and DS about my DS's former g/f...but we were able to come to a compromise...(maybe more on that later, maybe not).  I had to work at 1:30 so DH, and I are usually late church ppl....today we went to early church..which we "thought" started at 9:30, with nephew. Apparently, the time had been changed. We arrived, "on time", a half hour late..eh better late than never.

Got home, hung out...a really nice weekend. I went to work DH drove nephew to train after a good lunch...with of course, some homemade jams, and pasta for many...I am sure(DH is Brooklyn Italian). NICE! Hope he comes to visit often.

I swear, I double swear, I will continue the "jail theme" tomorrow. It will be over morning coffee, when I have had some sleep, and a bit of prayer.

Shame, and Guilt!!!

Shame, and guilt are good, and worthy emotions. Their intent is clear. It is a moment in life when ya wish you could take it all back. Unfortunately, you cannot.

Although, shame, and guilt, are good and worthy emotions...we must be careful not to stay with them for too long. They're very important emotions/feelings..but they are purpose is to be short lived. Shame, and guilt  are learning emotions. We are not meant to park ourselves there.

I have had many lessons in shame, and guilt. I have learned much.

Man, this is hard to say, but I REALLY messed up a couple of days ago. I drank. I regret every moment. I involved my son (directly), and I felt the need to  come clean to my DH, and DD.

I don't know, I have no good reason. I made a bad choice, in one moment. How can I be so weak?  My hubby reminded me that it is a disease. It is. It is just such a confusing one. I work hard to overcome it. Just earlier that day I had dropped off flyer's at my club for a T-day open house.

My belief in this blog is that if I can't be completely honest...what is the point. Some days complete honesty really sucks.

I corrected my self immediately. I had to speak to both of my children, and husband, and come clean. I feel a bit better.

I so did not want  to blog about this...I would really rather hide it. I know that is the wrong choice. As I have said before secrets kill.  I gotta be honest, being honest really sucks some times....sorry mom, I said suck.

I am so not perfect. In fact,I am  incredibly flawed. I can only offer honesty, my life experience, and my faith.

Jail, Jail, Jail #4

Ok so it has been a few days since I last posted. Please forgive me...still dealing with the chest cold that won't end. Again..working, then sleep.

Ok so we left off where I was sentenced to 60 days in Racine county Jail(RCJ). I still had no job, nor was I in school. I was so hoping for a "work crew" situation. They did not have a work crew, like KCDC. They had a selected 4 spots of women that would do laundry for a nursing home.  Out of the more than 100 women that were housed at RCJ I was chosen to do work at the nursing home. Again I got one day off of my sentense for every 3 days worked.

In RCJ, we had cells, in a pod, I think it was 8 or ten cells...so 16- 20 ppl. We shared a cell. It was kind of nice haveing my own space..kind of like having a roommmate. I liked it better then the dorm. There was a day room, which was 4 stainless steele tables with 4 stainless benches around the table. Non are moveable, all bolted down. Again, there were cards, I am awesome at spades. I don't know why that is the game of choice in jail, but it seems to be. Followed, by rummy. In the cell, was the sink/toilet combo..stainless steel. Sink on top of the pooper. Sadly, I had the cell that was RIGHT behing the TV. So when ever anyone was watching TV...well..need I say more? I think I pooped 3 times in a month.

Arg..the TV drama....OMG... always a fight....and sometimes physical. I was so happy to leave every day to go clean up poop. Sad, but, true. Yet on this trustee..duty. I was shipped to and fro, from the jail by a sherriff. There were no street clothes, no smoking allowed.

I spent my 2nd anniversary there, and my b-day.


So not as rewading as the food pantry. Basically, my day was filled with what we called, "poop shoots". Now what that means is that when the nurse, or CNA changed the bed of a patient...who shat themselves..they would put the bedding in a laundry shoot in a plastic bag. Well, it should have been double bagged per OSHA, but almost never the case.  One of my jobs was to seperate the poop laundry, from the other laundey. It ws gross, so gross....but better than hanging in jail.

The cool thing was that they hired devopmentally, challenged ppl to do laundry. God bless. But man, if I put something in the wrong place...I had hell to pay.

I must say I loved them. So not like the food pantry...but still cool.

Jail, Jail, Jail, #3

OK, I guess it is time to face the music. This particular blog may be my most difficult to write. Why? You ask? Because, although I knew very well at that time I was a drunk, I couldn't believe, I messed up so badly AGAIN!

I had been sober, with a few slips..but the slips were short lived..a day or two. That is not to diminish the slips. Each one is very important to own up to and recognize. My sponsor, would assign me to go to a meeting the following day, and admit what I had done.

It was January of 2008...almost 2 years to the date, from the last DUI. I was running errands, I had actually JUST left the DMV to renew my license. I was pretty sick that day, I had taken a ton of cold medicine. I also registered for my "Master Gardner" class at the UW-Parkside extension. I had a day where I did slip. I drank. It was an especially bad choice on top of all of the cold medicine.

I had pulled over on the side of the highway. I was parked. It is amazing that I now have 3 DUI's in WI, and in every case, I was never actually driving. I don't know if that is a good, or bad thing...I guess good. The thing is when your keys are in the ignition, you are considered driving. By God's good graces, I am grateful that I was not driving. I should have never been driving. Thank God, I never crashed...thank God I never hurt anyone(physically), Thank God I never hurt myself.

A semi-truck driver, called the police. It was all pretty bad after that. I was a sleep in the front seat when the cop knocked on my window. He wanted me to do a field sobriety test....I was so not able. It was cold, there were cars zooming by, I KNEW I was fucked. I became combative, I was a total bitch to the officer. Sorry officer. That being said, he was not so nice either. I was taken to a weigh station. I have no idea why. Further, paperwork, more tests...blah blah. At one point, the very angry officer tossed me against the wall, and put me in shackles. Some of you know me, some don't. I am not a large person...tall 5'10", and 120lbs.
Not really a need for the wall tossing and shackles. A bit of overkill.

I was then taken to a hospital where I was forced to give my blood for a blood alcohol test. The officer later had to open the package to re-label something. I knew that was a fatal fault in the chain of custody form. It was weird, I knew that I was drunk, I KNEW I was out of line, but I tried to hang on to the fact that the officer messed up.

My DH, and I were to be leaving for Las Vegas for our 1st anniversary in a couple of days. Oh I felt so horrible. I felt like I didn't even deserve to go. I felt so horrible, I physically hurt inside.

I like to my husband, I lied to my children, I lied to all of the few people that knew of the incident. I think they know I lied, but this is the first time I am admitting it out loud. Other than my husband, my kids, my ex-husband, and his wife, my attorney, and the few friends my kids told...no one knew.  I was so ashamed, so disgusted with myself. How can someone, so bright, with so much life experience, do something so incredibly stupid...AGAIN?!

I hired a good DUI attorney. He was expensive, but good. better than the last one. He at least knew that it was only my 2nd DUI, not the 3rd. The attorney I had for the KCDC deal did not address to the court that my violation in NY was under the legal limit. Long story short, my previous DUI was made a 1st, and this became my second. I still knew I was going to jail. The reason why ya hire the attorney is to help with the sentence.

The whole process took about a year. I was sentenced in mid-December of 2008. I was sentenced for 60 days in the Racine County Jail. I asked the judge to PLEASE let me spend the holidays with my family before I reported to jail. He did agree. I did have a condition. I had to wear a "SCRAM" ankle bracelet. It detects, alcohol by perspiration. It was a 4x4 plastic square, about and inch and a half thick.  I had a modem that was plugged into a phone line, that I had to be next to for it to upload information, to a monitoring center twice a day.

It was so crazy...I had a non-alcoholic New Years Eve party planned...It was the 2nd year...a bunch of people from AA came...HUGE party. Probably 60 ppl. I didn't tell any of them that in a couple of days I would be going to jail. The people I should have talked to, I never told. Not even my sponsor.

At that point I hated my disease. I wanted to cut it from my body like a dead limb.I wanted to gnaw it off like an animal who's leg is stuck in a trap. The party went on, I went up to my bedroom at 9:00pm to have my bracelet info uploaded, and then I returned to the party.It was a great party. Great food, great door prizes, the balloon drop went off with out a hitch. I cleaned up the house the next day.  I went shopping for the required undergarments that jail required. On January 3rd, I kissed my children good-bye, and my husband drove me to jail for a second time.

More on this later...I think that is all I have to say tonight.

I promise, PROMISE!!!!

I know, I promised more jail. I am sorry, so very sorry. I am still a bit sick. I need some sleep. I swear, that I will post more tomorrow.

That is all I have for today. So sorry more tomottow!

FORGIVE?!

I know, I know...I will follow up with more jail talk. I have been in the land of the nearly dead(or so I felt). The last few days I worked, and slept.  Feeling much better today.

I will talk about jail more. 

BUT,

Today I have something much more to talk about. Forgiveness.

Forgiveness has been long on my mind. Especially, after the whole molestation talk. I knew I had to forgive several people in my life. Some I have told in person, some don't care to listen. It doesn't matter, they are forgiven none the less.

I was shown tonight by a friend the true meaning of forgiveness. Someone I held close to my heart for a long time, someone I had mentored, someone who was so special to me. I was hurt badly by this person...it doesn't matter the reason why, no details need to be told. What I will  say is that my friend approached me. It was brave, it had been years.

We met tonight. In some ways it seemed like no time had passed, in other ways it seemed like too much time had passed.  I missed her, I was angry. I had a right to be mad...at this point it didn't matter any more.

It was so awesome that she approached me...like I was hoping, waiting for it. It took many years. Patience is a virtue, right?

We made small talk for a while...kind of like we picked up where we left off. And then, she told her story. I knew the story. We were both in tears...She had a bit of a hard time getting it out...I told her to"STOP"! Enough, I forgive you. "I forgive you."

I have had to face forgiveness in my family of late. I have forgiven. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason on the way the whole thing works.

Sometimes, ya need to say it in person, sometimes a phone call, sometimes those who are forgiven never know.

Many times we may have been forgiven and not even know it.

So forgive me for expressing my views...but you are reading my blog after all.

Sometimes we are forgiven, before we are born, in my world that means forgiven my Christ.

If HE can forgive than so can I.

Promise more about jail, Thank God I have tomorrow off!

So sorry I had every intention of blogging in depth yesterday. I seem to have acquired my hubby's sickness.  I felt fine Friday, but woke up Saturday in a world of hurt. I knew that I had to work all day today. I just tried to nap and chill to get rid of it. It didn't really work.

I went through eight of the most horrible hours at work today. Of, course, I spent most of the day in the ER. Normally, that would be fine, it makes the time fly by. Today....I had every, freak, person over 95, and every psyche patient..(including police, or guards). I have no strength, and at times was a holder(holding the patient down, while another person drew)

So glad for the day to be done...gonna eat some soup and go to bed. Thank God I have tomorrow off!

To my fans...I just don't have the courage today...

I must say that I hate to be a liar. I know I promised more jail stories. I think the next story, for me was the worst.  I had hidden it from EVERYONE, and will come clean soon.

It is just some really hard stuff. I am not ready to do it today. I can't even arrange my thoughts. My brain is a bit of a mess.

On a better note work was awesome today.

I felt so selfish yesterday. I wanted to get my required 100 successful stick in. I thought the best place to accomplish that was the ER. I was so consumed on just, getting the job done, I forgot my humanity. I am ashamed for that.

A woman about 80 came into the ER. She had had a stroke. I went into her room to draw blood...she had just returned form a CT scan. The news was not good. The Dr. asked me to step out of the room. The doctor then told me they would not need any blood drawn. I might be a newbie, but I know what that means. It means, don't bother...she is gonna die...and not too far from now.

They were married for 56 years. The husband was by her bedside....tears streaming. Her son was trying to console his father. Within the next hour all of the family came.  Children, grand children, great-grand children.

My hospital brings in a tray of food, and drinks for the loved ones of dying family members. We call it the "death tray".

So weird, amazing, and emotional. Last week I saw a baby being delivered via emergency-c-section...Yesterday I witnessed a woman take her last breaths.

I know I Promised...hang with me.

I know I promised more, and I will give more. I can't tonight,  I must be by my sick DH side. I am sure you can understand that. I promise....I promise, promise. I will write more tomorrow.

But for tonight, I have to go tend to my man.

That is all.

I know you would all love to hear about jail, but hold on...

OK, so I am in my third week of work. My DH is so sick he, after trying to attempt the shower, at 7:00am couldn't quite do it. That worries me because he is NEVER sick.  This is the first time I saw him call in sick to work. I, of course, have to go to work..new job, and all. I called to check in at 3:30pm (first chance I had) Asked him what I could bring home. He said won ton soup..and some cold medicine.  He was feeling so bad, when would I be home?

The dogs were mental. I said as soon as I could. I got his medication for the cold/flu...got his soup.I stopped home for a moment, called in his RX for regular RX..which I had no idea he was out of....got the Rx..took the dogs to the dog park. He has a mental fever. I have no thermometer. I called my ex-hubby's wife (the have many kids...I knew they would have a theorem...) they did...and were kind enough to loan it to me. I can't work the  damn thing, hubby is burning up. I gotta work another long day tomorrow.

A bit of a rough day.

I will say this......I love what I do, and I am so happy to have  a job.....No matter how long the night...I will be so ready to go in the am!

I think that is all I have to say about that.

So sorry!

I know I promised more jail stories. I am sorry..so very sorry. My hubby is sick. I think this is his first time staying home from work since I have known him.....almost 6 years now.

Forgive me, I need to help him. I promise, I promise, promise...I will tell more of the story tomorrow.

An aside...

When I started writing this blog it was mainly for ME.  I soon found that many  people could relate to what I was writing. They had similar stories. It didn't matter if it were jail, incest, or just day to day life.

It was never my intention to have so many followers. I am now so glad I do. I speak to a number of people a day, on a number of topics. I enjoy that. I enjoy helping others. I am glad that they have someone that has walked a mile in their shoes to talk with.

I was informed by some of my readers, including my DH that my jail talk was not as personal, as emotional, as it should have been. I never really planned on this all going so public.

I do understand the criticism. I feel that I am so matter of fact about the experiences, because they were so hard, and hurtful. Maybe..possibly...I talk more about fact, because feeling is so hard.

I know that the whole point of this is for me to get out all of my emotions, and feel it all...and to share with others. To share with others that have been through this mess...to share with others' families that have been through this mess.

Going forward, I will keep the above in mind.

Hold on more to come.

Jail, Jail, Jail, #2

I had forgotten to mention that I was completely out of contact with my husband, and family for the week I was at the Kenosha County Jail. There was a phone in the cell block, but an account needed to be set up and pre-paid which I didn't know. I had no way to let my DH know. I felt so alone. I am certain that was the LONGEST week of my life. I really, had lost hope of getting on "work crew". I was starting to TRY and accept the fact that my next 80 days(or at least 60 days...you get 20 days off the top for good behavior) would be spent right there...in that very small smelly, cold, dark place. A true feeling of hopelessness.

I was so grateful when the sheriff called me to be on the work crew. I was transferred that day to Kenosha County Detention Center (KCDC). The sheriff was kind enough to let me call my husband to tell him  I was being moved, and to bring me some street clothes that I would need for work crew. I would be working at  a soup kitchen/food pantry. It was actually the best work crew job to get, because we got to get out EVERY DAY to feed the hungry. When on work crew you also get 1 day off of your sentence for every 3 days worked...a nice bonus.

I got to see hubby a couple of times a week. He was allowed to meet me outside of KCDC when I went to the van in the am. He was allowed to exchange my dirty clothes for clean ones, and he would drop off cigarettes too. We were allowed a couple of smoke breaks at KCDC as long as one of the staff was with us outside.

There were about 5 of us from KCDC that when to the soup kitchen every day, another girl, myself, and 3 guys. A van picked us up from jail, and dropped us off there. On the way home there was a guy that have to have been 90 years old. He was a dirty old man to say the least. In addition to being a pervert, he was a horrible driver. Every night on the way back to jail we would have a near death experience...no lie. I was never so happy to get back to jail.

I have to say I really like working at the soup kitchen/food pantry. It really wasn't "jail" to me. In many ways I think it was a God thing.  The food pantry was open every Mon, Wed, Fri. There were 2 sessions, 1 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon. They gave out 50 numbers each session. It was so sad people would like up hours ahead of time. It broke my heart to see people turned away. The problem was there simply was not enough food. As fast as it was donated, we unloaded the trucks, stocked the shelves, and the shelves would be empty a few days later.

The soup kitchen was every day. No one was ever turned away. We made food during the day. We started serving at 4:00pm. We did a ton of dishes, mopped floors, etc. I got to know many of the people that came by name. I was glad that they at least got one meal a day, and a place to warm up for an hour or so.

I kept volunteering the after I was done with jail. DH and I served Thanksgiving Dinner there too.

So that was the work crew portion of jail...now for the jail part.

The jail part not so pleasant, as you might imagine. It was one big room for all of the people that had Huber privileges. Either the girls that left for work, school, or were on work crew some place. There were 2 rows of about 15 steel bunks. Each bunk had a metal locker, were we kept anything we were allowed to have(anything we had purchased through the jail...chips, candy bars, envelopes, pencils, tampons, ibuprofen, cards..etc).One side of the bunks there was a half wall, the wall separated the bunk area from the day room. It was really not much of a separation. there were a few tables, and chairs. After the day room, came the bathrooms. Another half wall, serrated the day room from the 3 toilets...which were out in the open. You had no problem having an up, and oh too personal chat with the person next to ya...yep ya saw, and smelled EVERYTHING. I think I pooped twice the whole time I was there. That was another reason I was grateful to go to the soup kitchen...private pooping. Forget about any private feminine hygiene moments. Just beyond the toilets, were 3 showers, no curtains. Male guards would walk into the dorm and see it all. I am so not sure that is legal, but it's jail, what are your options.

There was an identical dorm next to ours separated by a guard booth. The OTHER dorm was considered "general population". It was basically women that were tried, and awaiting sentencing, or had been sentenced, and waiting to be transferred to prison. They were much scarier than our Huber dorm.

Oh and then there was "the hole". The hole is were ya get put when you get into trouble...solitary confinement. I have no idea why it was on the Huber side. We all had to get up and go somewhere in the morning, the general population didn't. Even so, we got to hear the girls in the hole scream, pound, and yell...ALL NIGHT LONG! One night, one of the girls in the hole, decided to throw her feces around. When people were in the hole they were fed what the inmates referred to as "cat food sandwiches". I guess it was all the left over food blended together. Luckily, I never got to find out what it tasted like...I never visited the hole.

On the bunks were about a 1 inch mat, flat sheets that never actually stayed tucked in, and 1 itchy wool blanket that was only about 5 feet long.

Most of the women in my dorm were OK, some really strange, but mostly OK. Most of them were DUI's like myself. Except, the girl that I had the bunk above. She is a jail lifer. My first night there she left a note on my bunk that said, "Bitch if you step on my bunk again, I will beat you". It is nearly impossible to get on the top bunk with out stepping on the bottom bunk. Turns out it was a really good think I have such long legs. Eventually, I got a lower bunk. When a girl on a lower bunk leaves, you can request the bunk. Kind of a seniority thing.

It was nearly impossible to sleep at night. Most of the lights were left on, the guards keys jingling, constantly trying to readjust the 5 foot long wool blanket on my 5' 10' body to try and keep warm (it was freezing in there), and the screaming from the hole. I did however, learn a jail sleeping trick from my friends from the food pantry...TYLENOL PM. That was another item DH would bring during clothing exchange. We kept it in the locker at the food pantry, and would take it right before we left.

When we returned from being out during the day, we would change out of our street clothes, and into our KCDC orange. Everything was provided...top, bottoms, a sweat shirt, socks, and yes...underwear. It was nice to have the sweatshirt at night to keep warm. The underwear thing really skived me. They were granny panties, usually with no elastic. The socks were tube socks, and again had no elastic. They had no elastic, because the girls would pull out the elastic to make jail hair ties.

Once we had our street clothes off, and before we put on our KCDC orange, we did what is called "the Huber dance". The Huber dance is this; In front of a guard naked, shake out your hair, open your mouth, lift up arms, show them the bottom of your feet, and then with your back to the guard, squat and cough. They do that to make sure you are not bringing in any kind of contraband. Some of the guards were very thorough, others hardly at all. You would get to know which guards that were strict, and the ones that would pretty much just let you walk on by naked and get dressed. You also got to learn the guards' schedules, so you knew pretty much what you would be in for upon return to jail.

I had to tell you that story to tell you the next story. One day, we all expected a lenient guard to be on duty. There was a very large, I mean VERY large woman (she was on work crew at the YMCA), that tried to sneak in a prok chop in under her breast. She was very surprised to find out the lenient guard was off for some reason, and we had the toughest guard that day. When she was doing  the Huber dance, she was asked to lift up her breast...the  pork chop fell to the ground. She had a visit to the hole, and traded her prok chop for  "cat food sandwich's" for 3 days.

Jail, Jail, Jail #2a

An added bonus to my stay at KCDC, was that they were painting the jail during that time. When they painted the general population dorm, they had to stay on the Huber side. Most were on the "boats" on the floor, but some in the few empty bunks that were on our side. They stayed for a week. I was lucky enough to have an open bunk above me. One day after returning from the food pantry, the girl from general population  that was above me, was freaking out. I asked her what was wrong. She responded, "I'm freaking out, because I am  getting sentenced tomorrow. I could get up to 10 years". I stupidly asked, "What did you do?" She explained she stabbed her boyfriend. The sentence was going to be harsh, because she is a repeat offender. She stabbed her boyfriend on two SEPARATE occasions. She was gone by the time I got back from the food pantry the next day. I heard she did get 10 years. The next week the Huber dorm got the pleasure of sleeping in boats, on the general population side.

I ended up serving I think it was 45 days in jail. When I got out, I told myself, "Never again"! I am sorry to say, I was mistaken.