I want to Scream, and then I pray.

I thought I had writer's block for the last few weeks...so sorry for that. I had been stuck so stuck. I have felt  so frustrated....I just wanted to SCREAM!!!! I am not even sure why.

I have been struggling with my  DS, with his dad.....with the fact that I so think it is important to have a relationship with his dad.

I have been struggling with work...mostly the death...death is hard.

I have been struggling with my husband, the both of us trying to figure it all out. Sometimes we don't do it so well.

I want to have a "girlie" relationship with my DD, that I think I have to work at so hard.

Maybe it was not writer's block...maybe it was just not  facing facts. Maybe, no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I pray...I can't make it better.

I still pray everyday. I am a mom, and I will ALWAYS try to fix it.  I will ALWAYS try to make the people at work laugh when I am about to stick them with a needle.

I still wonder why. Why do I pray so hard? Why do things get so difficult?  How can I fix them?

What if I can't fix them?

That's all I have to say about that.