A JOB!!!! GREAT!, but wait.

This is a bit of a weird post. It is full of both happy, and sad...hang with it, it will be worth your time.

I started writing this a few days ago...I had to leave it alone for a while. I was afraid of the words that would follow.  I was afraid of being "real." I am still very afraid, I have tried to avoid as much as possible. I am out of excuses. I am so sorry mom, I don't mean to hurt you, but some things just have to be said.

I know, I know we will talk about more jail later.

BUT NOW TODAY...HOOT!!!! I got a job!!!! A job in the field that I trained in.  I have a physical, and drug test next Tuesday. Then I Will follow up with some corporate training, and be working in mid-October.

The downer was that only about 45 mins prior, I had been fighting with my teenage DS. Sometimes so tough. I feel like sometimes, it is his job to try to kill himself, and my job to keep him alive. ( Not my own, I borrowed it).

It has been a few trying days with him. It is hard to talk about it. I am a mom, I am on his case....about getting a job, getting good grades, doing the right thing...etc. I will fully admit I was so not a saint in high school. I did however work 25-30hrs a week, I was ALWAYS on the A honor role, and was involved in sports, forensics, National Honor Society, Weisberg Swim ( during lunch hour we worked with both mentally, and physically disabled people), to name a few.

First of all, grades were just EXPECTED of me..the rest was my own choosing. At least, I was driven. This child seems to just not care...about ANYTHING! 

I see him going down a path, a path that I am so concerned about. I hate to say it, but once addiction is in your family...the odds of it affecting your child grows exponentially. At least I was driven...enough to want to get a job. Maybe, I really just wanted the independence.

I had to tell you that story so I could tell you the next.

I was so VERY excited about getting a job, the first person I wanted to call was my mom. My mom...I so long for her approval, her praise. When I quit college way back when...she asked, "Will you ever finish college...in MY lifetime?" In that time, at that moment, I really had NO plan to finish school. SO some 20 years later, I did. Not a 4 year college, but tech school. I still made the best grades, I worked hard. I started my last semester in jail. So not proud of it, another DUI, another really stupid choice. School was very serious to me non-the-less.

The first person I called to tell the news was my husband. The next I wanted to talk to was my father. Except, my dad is not there anymore. He is there physically,(Alzheimer's) but nothing else...well nothing but golf(for some reason he has that on his hard drive)

So I called my mom. I told her the good news, we had a nice chat for about 5 mins. Then she asked about the kids. I told her I was having some problems with my DS. She just chose to berate me, and tell me all the things I had done  wrong. She disagreed with my parenting, and again told me I was wrong.

"Parenting?!", I thought WTF( yes mom I swore). Let's talk.

My thoughts on the rest will be in the next blog...that will very closely follow,