I know that I keep going back to this fucking menopause thing. To be really honest it really sucks. No rainbows, no happy stars, no nothing. It is hard. It is like being in PMS 24/7. If anyone has told you other than that they lie.
It is not like birth, where at the end you get an God given reward. Here, there is stupid emotions, a whole lot of sweat, a bunch of tears, and more sweat...to name a few. As I write this my arms stick to the computer table with sweat. Lord, I have sweat in places I never knew there was sweat.
I, in the past have always been cold. I now ask my hubby to turn the A/C lower. In the past it was always a fight...I was always cold. Did he trade comfort for a crazy wife?
I sit here now..sweat rolling off my nose..and OMG, I also have cleavage sweat....Disturbing!!!...So what now? The answer is I don't know.
I am angry, I so was so hoping that my DH, and myself would be able to have one or two of our own. It appears, that is not, or never will be the case. That is so hard to take.
Apparently, I am one in 2% of women that go into early menopause.
So why is that? I need to ask. Why, when finally, I met the man of my dreams...that we are never going to have children? He shared with me the other night, that he was very upset too. I had nothing to say. I felt like I failed him. I know it was hard for him to say that to me. I also felt like less of a woman, because there was nothing I could do.
I don't know the right response, I have no answer. I so wish I did. I do, however believe that God has a plan for us...I don't know when, what , or how...I do believe that.
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