Jail, Jail, Jail # 5

The last jail story.  Hopefully, so final. One can only hope.

This story,I have been so trying to avoid. Why you ask? Because, I  am worried. I have learned to never say never. I have said that in the past, that, "I Will never do this again. I will never be in jail AGAIN"!

I am afraid of never. I hate always. I have learned to try to get rid of never, and always in my everyday language.

Always, and never are so much the same..." I will ALWAYS do this...I will NEVER do that..."

So, I hope to never repeat jail. The time before this I swore, "I would NEVER be here again". So wrong.

OK so now the story...

So, if you have read the blog, I was just trying to get rid of the alolcholic part of me.  Sadly, it doesn't work that way. I had stooped going to meetings, I had stopped talking to fellow drunks, I stopped talking to my  pastor.

I was in school.  I had a plan. Still the whole getting the family out of debt was my job...I could help(there is more on that....read the earlier posts)

The day, this day...this really stupid day...I had a migraine for a few days. The pain was horrible. I made a really bad choice. It was it the worst migraine ever.I chose to self medicate.At least that is what I told myself. The truth was, that really that was not the truth. The truth was I chose not to treat to treat my disease.

I was on he way to school for a night class. My head hurt so bad. I stopped at a liquor store....I bought a half pint of vodka. I drank it. Thank God, I had been in the AA program for years. I felt IMMEDIATELY guilty. I panicked. "Should I pull over and make myself puke...Oh crap...I don't know...just go back home". I chose to go back home.

I chose to o back home. I started back home, I turned to go back home .OMG there was a car, a smoking car pulled over. I noticed that there where kids in the car. The kids were  very young. At the time probably the same age as my DD. I could not leave the kids on the side of the road.I had to stop, I had to help. It was at that time when the police came up....he wanted to know why I was there. I told him, " I am allowing these kids to get towed. I did help I called AAA to give them a tow. SO  the madness starts. Again the sleepy town next door...well police have not a buch to do. Well, the cop rolled up. I explained that I was helping the kids. And so it goes....

Sadly, he smelled the vodka. Yes, the same vodka I drank. The same vodka I had the guilt about. The same vodka I had turned around to go home about. Yes he smelled it.

He asked if I had been drinking.  I said, "Yes". It was a Tuesday, I know this because my husband was at an ala-non meeting. He goes most Tuesdays. He is there now.

I was defeated. I KNEW the future was not bright. Although in some ways...in that moment...I was strangely ok. I know it sounds odd, but God had me in his hands.

OK so on with the story.....So now the young person I had pulled over to help...and AAA did come....sees me get cuffed, and put in the back of a squad car.

Now, I am sitting in the back of the car, no lies, not being difficult, just defeated. I hear this over the  police radio. "...blah blah..DUI?...I thought you had a good Samaritan on site." The officer replies, " The DUI, IS the good Samaritan."

The officer asked me if I wanted to call someone. I said, "YES." I then proceeded to ask him if I could wait 15 mins, as my husband was currently at a ala-non meeting. Hell, I did not want to interrupt his serenity.

I did finally call him. I told him I did drink. I told him I was wrong. I told him to finish his meeting.

 He picked me up at the Waukesha County Jail. Not my best day..to be sure. However it was a great turning  point for me. I like to call  it the beginning of the beginning.

More to follow, I think enough for today.