Pre Jail, Jail, Jail #5

I realize that I have been a bit off my game.

So, as promised...the next jail experience.  I know it took a bit longer than I had planned, but here it goes.

Before I begin, I think I need to establish the time frame. So the last DUI was in January of 2008, It took about a year to get to the point of sentencing, and I went to jail, on January 3 of 2009. I had been attending meetings. I was enrolled in school for Phlebotomy.

Until then I wanted to get rid of my alcoholism. Again, I wanted to cut it out of me like a bad limb...I wanted it exorcised. I thought I was better than the disease. I thought I could beat it. I felt confident. I stopped going to meetings. I thought I was bigger than the disease. I wasn't, I don't think, that I believed it was a disease. It felt like more of a defect. A defect that I could fix.

That works for a while, but sadly not for long. It is a disease, and just like diabetes, or cancer, left untreated, it is deadly. The rough thing is that when you have, diabetes, or cancer, you usually don't end up in jail for not treating the disease. That is where the whole thing becomes so confusing. There is such a social stigma of being a drunk. It is, in my opinion, easier for someone to say they have cancer. We fell awful for them...we are pulling for them to survive. When someone says I am an alcholic, the connotation is very different."Well just stop, get it together...what is your problem?"

We all picture the bum on the street begging for money. That is so not the case. I know teachers, judges, police officers, business owners, politicians, soccer moms, etc, etc....that share my disease. Sadly, we suffer. Hopefully we suffer together through organizations like AA, or church, or some other form of community. The truth is we offen suffer alone.

Sometimes I wish I had cancer, at least people could understand that. At least I could share it out loud. With this blog, aside from being healing for me...I hope to educate people on this horrible disease. And that goes for any form of addiction. Food, sex, gambling, whatever. These addictions, are all brain altering, and all need treatment. Sadly there is no pill, or radiation that can release us from them. Only much support, and a daily program to keep a step a head of the disease.

I felt I needed to explain all of this before I go on with the next jail story.

The reason is, because the last arrest was a real turning point for me. I finally stopped trying to cut of the dead limb, I stopped thinking I was better than the disease. I finally had to accept being a drunk is part of me. It is part of me for the rest of my life. In some odd way I realized I knew I had to embrace it, rather than run away from it.

That being said the story will follow.